As the Wednesday afternoon chocolate ceremony begins, I am in a very good place – but it does not take long for the inner metaphors to capture my attention. Annoying, embarrassing, and painful intestinal gas quickly begins to consume my lower belly while a cloudy and confused feeling again prominently manifests in the third-eye.
“Focus on the energy going up.” Keith intuitively guides me as we begin a round of individual work. “Focus on opening the third eye.”
I trust the guidance of my friend Keith – a man that most people here in San Marcos refer to as the “Chocolate Shaman.” Soon, I am deep in meditation, focusing on bringing loving energy to the lower center of my forehead.
Like A Sponge
Seconds later, Keith starts working with a woman seated just a few inches away on my left. As I overhear the discussion next to me, my abdomen suddenly erupts with extremely painful bloating, as if someone just lit up the insides of my solar plexus with a blowtorch. The intensity of this unexpected and excruciating pain is shocking and all-consuming.
“Keith,” I intuitively ask in agony, “Is this pain my own … or am I feeling her emotional pain?”
“It is her pain.” Keith surprises me by confirming my suspicion.
I seem to be inhaling my friend’s pain – soaking it up like a sponge – and the pain is utterly unbearable.
Double The Pain
I know the pain is not mine, but I seem incapable of releasing it. In fact, as Keith works his way around the porch, the pain in my body only seems to increase.
At one point, while Keith is helping a young man directly across from me, I suddenly grab my throat in agony.
“Ouch!” I exclaim. “Someone here on the porch has a very blocked throat chakra.”
A woman, just a few seats away, quickly confirms that she too feels the sharp pain in her throat. Keith then turns around and indicates that the young man with whom he is working is deeply blocked in his throat chakra.
Now I am hurting in two places. My abdomen is still on fire, and my throat feels as if it is being choked.
Wasn’t Even Mine
“You are experiencing the pain that you felt as a baby.” Keith interrupts me unexpectedly from across the porch. “When you were a baby you had no defenses against such emotional energy entering your body.”
“Yeah,” I respond with clarity, “As I sit here I have already figured that out. I am being given a profound glimpse of what happened when I uncontrollably felt the pain of everyone around me, and there was absolutely nothing that I could do about it – except to cry that is.”
“Intuitively, I feel as if I was somewhere between eight-to-twelve months old when this started.” I share with Keith. “The pain came in uninvited. I was literally overwhelmed with pain that wasn’t even mine.”
I Don’t Want It
As Keith continues to work his way around the group my pain increases. I seem to be uncontrollably absorbing a little bit of everyone’s pain inside my own body.
Even though I intuitively know that the higher energies are merely giving me a profound glimpse for learning purposes, fear begins to consume me – fear that I won’t be able to stop this painful emotional energy – fear that the emotional density will get stuck inside me – fear that I will never be able to tolerate such intense energies if this does indeed turn out to be my path.
“I want this to stop.” I ponder with panic. “If this is what an empath actually feels, I don’t want it. It is horrifying and excruciatingly painful.”
Up Not Down
As Keith continues his way around the circle, the subject of being an empath comes up repeatedly. It seems that a large percentage of the newcomers today are emotional sponges. Upon completing his first loop around the porch, Keith follows his guidance and leads everyone through a basic empath training process.
When it comes time to give the empaths a human subject on which to practice, Keith chooses a friend of mine – a woman sitting directly to my right. Everyone in the group who wishes to participate then focuses on helping to move the energy that she is ready to release.
We assist my dear friend for a very long time as she sinks deeper and deeper in her own process. While doing my part, I experience the sensation of energy coming to my finger tips and then going up to the angels. This surprises me, because I usually send such energies to Mother Earth for transmutation.
As the process continues, I feel a little of my own pain begin to move up and out of my body, joining the flow that is leaving to be transmuted by the angels.
Doubts Versus Inner Knowing
Overall, however, I still feel quite insecure in distinguishing what I am really feeling as I continue to fall prey to ego doubts that tell me this is all imagination and fantasy.
As we participate in a process where we figuratively walk into my friend’s own private hell, I get the sensation that she is curled up in a fetal position in a cold and dark place – but then I rationalize that I must have been feeling my own private hell – not hers. Later, when Keith asks us to sense whether or not my friend is walking out with us, I again feel next-to-nothing – being totally stuck in my head.
Intuitively I understand what is happening. Over the last few chocolate ceremonies, I have been unexpectedly given the gift of powerful glimpses into the profound nature of these empath energy abilities – glimpses that are undeniably showing me the possibilities of what remains frightfully locked away inside me.
Even with all my self-doubt, a profound sense of inner knowing declares that these amazing glimpses are real. The only issue to address is the fact that I remain mostly shutdown as to my sensitivities and understanding of how to utilize these energies.
Fear Of Being Overwhelmed
When the empath training is complete, I get Keith’s attention.
“Help me please,” I beg Keith. “I still feel some painful churning in my abdomen – pain that I know is not mine to carry. What do I do now?”
“Just watch and follow your inner guidance.” Keith again forces me to trust myself.
After a few moments of listening to feelings, I begin by inviting this painful abdominal energy to move up into my heart. As I do so, extreme fear begins to vibrate in my abdomen. I intuitively recognize this shaking as resistance and fear about further opening up this long-blocked and frightening ability.
“If I allow these abilities to awaken in me then that pain will overwhelm me,” I begin to panic.
Unfounded Doubts
In the face of this unfounded terror, I repeatedly invite the prickly energy to rise up to my heart where I experience the release process as being quite painful.
“Brenda,” Keith soon interrupts me, “try asking the densities to go straight down to Mother Earth for now, rather than bringing them up into your heart.”
“Of course,” I think to myself. “These are not even my pains to deal with; why would I need to bring them into my heart to feel them?”
As I follow Keith’s guidance I am again momentarily consumed with self-doubt and thoughts of inadequacy – completely not trusting myself.
“No,” I rally myself on, refusing to succumb to these unfounded ego doubts, “I know I will succeed. I know this is real.”
Direct And Allow
Then I remember something Keith has often said about working with these types of energies: “Just state your intentions, asking the angels to do it for you, and then allow … getting out of the way.”
“Mother Earth,” I speak silently, “I don’t know how to do this, but I know that we are partners in this process. Will you please take these energies and transmute them for me?”
After this silent plea, I lean back, relax my abdomen, and trust. As I do so, I sense a warm and relaxing energy that begins to flow away from my belly, down toward the earth below. As I simply watch and observe, the agitation and pains in my abdomen settle greatly.
Butterfly Kisses
After most people have left the magical porch on Wednesday evening, I remain meditating on my pillow – feeling peaceful, relaxed, and pain-free.
Suddenly, I experience a powerful tapping/pulsing feeling that seems to be fluttering around on the inside of my lower forehead. It feels as if thousands of tiny butterflies are dancing around in my third-eye chakra, lightly flapping their wings against the inner surface of my forehead.
“Is my third-eye really opening?” I excitedly ponder. “Or is this just another amazing glimpse of something to come?”
The sensation is exciting and profoundly encouraging. I am unconcerned with whether the experience is permanent or transient; I will simply allow the energies to do whatever they do.
Intuitively I recognize that something profound and inexplicable is taking place – that I am laying on the Goddess’s operating table – that my body is being energetically altered in some way – and I love it, knowing that I need simply watch and allow.
Positive Power
“I will succeed.” I ponder as joyful tears form droplets in my eyes. “I am a finder and not just a seeker. Every day I find something new. I am not just searching – I am doing and achieving.”
“The universe is beginning to reward me,” I ponder with an inner giggle. “It is a ‘done-deal’ – only a matter of time. I need simply remain in my flow and trust the process.”
“Wow,” I ponder further. “What a powerful and positive shift in my thinking!”
Joyful Release
As I get Keith’s attention to share what is happening to me, my barely-visible tears become little fountains of joyful release.
“Finally,” I exclaim to Keith with excitement. “At last something is starting to move in an area that has been hopelessly locked for decades.”
Eager Hopefulness
Late Wednesday evening, after the butterfly kisses have ceased and my forehead has returned to normal, I ponder the powerful gifts I have received.
In the course of a single afternoon, I now profoundly understand what I, as a small baby, felt when waves of emotional density overwhelmed my tiny body, painfully swarming my senses.
And the frosting on top is that thousands of tickling butterflies magically stopped by for a playful visit, transforming what was once a sense of hopeless futility into an eager and enthusiastic hopefulness.
Cushions For Comfort
Thursday, June 9, I again engage in personal meditation at 5:30 a.m. – but I am distracted and unfocused. As I attempt to recreate magical butterfly kisses, nothing happens. Inner intuitions tell me clearly: “No pushing Brenda … just allow and follow the flow.”
I am a little ‘off’ today as my writing requires double-the-effort in order to resist ruthless ego distractions.
In the evening, after finishing my writing, I again start to sink into depressing and distracting ego voices. But to my delight I am reenergized when Keith stops by with a couple of large foam pads that I had asked him to pick up while shopping in Xela. Since I am remaining in my apartment for another year, I have decided to upgrade a few things in my living space.
Tonight, I eagerly rip out the hard lumpy fabric stuffing in my couch cushions and replace it with lusciously-soft foam rubber. And I also add a delightful five-inch-thick layer of foam to my daybed – my favorite place on which to write.
“It is time to take a little better care of myself.” I giggle with delight as I drift off to sleep.
Cool Breezes
Sunday morning marks the third day in a row of beautiful early morning meditations on my new foam cushions. My writing of these last two days seems to flow easily and I definitely sense that my energies have lifted up a notch or two.
As I sit in the crisp morning air of my balcony, an intuitive idea breathes new life into the meditation experience. With each physical breath, I imagine cool higher energies trickling up and down my chin, cheeks, and forehead. As I do this, I experience the energetic sensation of cool breezes brushing against my skin. Simultaneously, my face begins to tingle with delightful vibration, starting with my chin, then my upper lip, followed by the nose and cheeks, finally followed by peaceful tingles in my forehead.
After stopping the meditation, my facial deadness returns, but a feeling of great hopefulness reassures me that I am indeed slowly achieving long-awaited progress.
Play With That
“I’m feeling the usual pain in my solar plexus.” I share with Keith when he checks in with me during the Sunday afternoon chocolate ceremony.
“But I’m also being intuitively guided to further ponder the metaphor of ‘Beauty and the Beast’. I add. “Do you have any advice on where I should start?”
“Bring some of that solar plexus energy up to your heart.” Keith confidently replies.
“Now I’m feeling pain again at the bottom of my sternum,” I update Keith after a short pause. “And now that pain is rising further up into my heart.”
“Play with that.” Keith gives me one last tidbit of vague guidance before moving on, not returning for a very long time.
Relationship Training
After inviting the energies to continue rising into my heart, I simply observe as painful prickles rise all the way into the very center of my heart chakra. The experience is definitely not fun – in fact it hurts and stings.
In the meantime, I maintain my usual listening stance, paying attention to everything going on around me. Several people begin to bring up deep relationship issues. In the middle of working individually with these people, Keith suddenly stops and interrupts.
“We are going to do the relationship training.” He unexpectedly announces.
Four Rules
Keith proceeds to explain that in the energy of the world today, it impossible to have any type of meaningful relationship that is not also a spiritual relationship – a relationship in which both partners mirror the behaviors of the other, playing out their own side of a mutually beneficial script – a script that is their own individual path, but which also plays into the emotional triggers and projections of their partner.
He adds that this type of relationship not only includes couple relationships, but it also encompasses business partnerships and any other type of relationship where two or more people interact closely together in some way.
“It is never about them.” Keith shares his first rule of relationships, clarifying that when we get upset about something, the true root cause of why we are upset has nothing whatsoever to do with the other person.
“It is never about what it is about.” Keith adds his second rule. “It is not about whether ‘so and so’ took out the garbage or didn’t do the dishes etc… The present issue is only a trigger to bring an old pattern into awareness.”
“Nothing changes until you do.” Keith then takes it another level deeper.
I have sworn by this rule for a very long time. Personal experience tells me that everything is an inside job. The only way to truly change the world is to change myself – to look in that mirror and to understand the root emotional causes of why something triggers me and to then heal my triggers. Once my triggers are loved and released, such painful situations seem to magically disappear.
“Pain is resistance.” Keith then finishes his rules.
Again, this understanding of pain has allowed me to go much deeper into self-awareness.
An Inner Relationship
Throughout the relationship training, I pay especially close attention. The Beauty and the Beast metaphor with which I am working is all about a relationship between my heart and the Beastly energies that have kept my heart isolated from divine life force.
I begin to see the standoff between my heart and solar plexus as an actual loving relationship – a relationship where the two parties are deeply projecting, one onto the other.
Beauty is terrified that the Beast will march in like a bull in a china closet, exerting stereotypical masculine power and will, dominating and manipulating her, causing her to lose her identity.
Beast is terrified of love – terrified of surrendering to that level of total vulnerability – afraid of losing himself, his masculinity, his power, and his will.
Anything Masculine
Taking the metaphor deeper, I attempt to envision the Beast as having transformed into a handsome prince. I try to imagine him holding me in his arms.
Immediately, my heart cringes with terror. I cannot permit this. Fear, resistance, and panic, bounce all over the walls of my heart.
“I cannot allow this type of intimate love,” I feel my heart scream out. “… unconditional friendships yes … but absolutely no unconditional partner relationships.”
As I ponder the power of this crazy-but-real fear, I access a huge pool of tears while sinking into a profound emotional release. It seems that my heart is terrified of surrendering to anything masculine – and this fear is overwhelming.
Inner Projections
“This is why I cannot have a relationship in real life!” I exclaim with recognition. “As I continue playing out this internal war between feminine and masculine – I am also doing the same thing out in the external world.”
“On the inside, my tender heart is terrified of masculine domination.” I further ponder. “Every potential relationship partner that I meet immediately becomes the object of my projection – the projections of this ongoing inner battle.”
I clearly recognize that I will never be able to have a meaningful external relationship until this inner self-hatred has been healed with self-love.
“Yes,” I profoundly ponder, “nothing will change until I do.”
Conscious Energies
Yes, it is now so clear. The inner feud between heart and solar plexus is a huge confusing mish-mash of fear, self-hatred, and distrust. The pains felt in each energy-center are deeply related to these confusing emotional battles.
As I ponder these inner realizations, my emotions run rampant. It seems that every verbal tidbit of relationship wisdom that Keith shares with others can be turned around and used in my inner relationship. Each word spoken on the porch causes my emotions to be triggered ever more deeply.
I literally see and feel this inner feud as if it were between two conscious energies – loving parts of my self deeply hurt by decades of hatred and betrayal – parts who need to learn to love and trust each other once again.
Energetic Garbage Dump
By this point in the ceremony, my emotional stability has melted into a blob of tissues piled high on the ground beside me. My disheveled hair is saturated with tears, my eyes red with fatigue, and my teeth exhausted from chattering.
By now, Keith has identified a small group of people who are empath sponges and he begins to train them. I am so distraught that I feel incapable of following along, but I attempt to do so anyway.
During the first phase, bringing awareness to how we eat and internalize emotional pain, I am already experiencing deep pains in my solar plexus, even before the training begins. Not only am I wallowing in my own pain, but I also realize I have again been sucking up energy from others, all throughout the ceremony.
My abdomen literally feels like a garbage dump for painful emotional energies.
Unsolicited Validation
Half-way through this initial phase of training, a beautiful young woman (who is at her first ceremony) follows her guidance. She grabs a couple of cushions, sits cross-legged on the ground in front of me, and holds out her hands just inches from my chest.
My initial reaction is to reject – fearing that she may be trying to fix me – but my inner feelings immediately reassure me that she is merely doing a wonderful job of holding a loving energetic space for me – that there is no fixing energy whatsoever.
With an inner smile, I allow her to remain in front of me while continuing to sob profusely.
“Brenda, what she is doing is OK. She is not interfering with your process in any way.” Keith interrupts and reassures me a few minutes later.
“Yeah, I already know that.” I whimper back to Keith before returning to my deep emotional release.
My heart is indeed warmed by the unsolicited validation letting me know that my feelings had been completely accurate.
Pain-Induced Insights
“Where is the density entering your body?” I hear Keith ask those who are participating in the training.
Immediately I point to my heart, knowing that this is always where I seem to feel the emotions entering my body. But suddenly I notice that something is different – that my heart is not hurting at all.
At this very instant of recognition, I experience a sharp burst of strong, stinging, and stabbing pain, right at the very center of my third-eye.
“Is this why my third-eye is so shutdown?” I suddenly question myself in a flash of insight. “As a child, did I take in this painful emotional density through my forehead?”
Another Puzzle Piece
I again visualize the photo of myself as a fourteen-month old baby – the one with sad eyes and sagging eyebrows. I also suddenly notice that I am scrunching those eyebrows at this very moment as I continue to quietly sob on the porch.
“Wow, what a powerful realization.” I ponder as I realize that my third eye is the primary place where I used to bring in the emotional pain of others – and where I would likely do it again if it were not so locked up.
“It is no wonder that I have my third-eye shutdown so tightly.” I ponder as I reminisce on the profound painful glimpses I received on Wednesday – glimpses into the excruciating agony of how those emotional densities feel in my body when absorbed from everyone around me.
You Know The Drill
After phases two and three of the empath training, I am actually beginning to feel much better – but sill emotionally hurting, feeling numb and stunned by what is happening to me.
As I sit on my pillow, beginning to bring in peaceful higher-vibration energy, I am not at all surprised by what happens next.
“Brenda, you know the drill.” Keith interrupts my meditation.
“Yeah,” I reply as I automatically move my cushions out into the middle of the porch, sit down, and close my eyes once again. Somehow I knew I would be chosen.
Sudden Realization
Simultaneously, I am intuitively guided to ponder the years of my life from around age thirty to forty. This was the most difficult of times of my marriage – the time when my gender explorations were causing huge stress in my relationship. I suddenly recognize that during these excruciating years I had sucked up an intense amount of projected emotional suffering – most of which was not even mine to carry.
In an effort to reduce pain and friction during those agonizing transitional years – in an effort to relieve my guilt and shame – I literally became an emotional garbage dump, figuratively throwing myself on the grenade of every painful emotion that surfaced in my marriage, storing those emotional densities throughout my body, but mostly in my abdomen. In fact, it was during those years when my bladder began to physically manifest problems.
Somehow, I felt it was my duty to be the carrier of all that emotional pain – to forever carry it in an effort to relieve the burdens of those I love.
A Technique-less Technique
As I sit in the middle of the porch, everyone else focuses on assisting me in releasing the emotional densities that are no longer necessary for my teaching.
I attempt to relax and allow – desperately wanting to release these densities from age thirty to forty – but I instead experience a feeling of clenching resistance – resistance that will not allow me to let go of the pain. I explain to Keith about my struggles, asking for guidance, asking “how do I allow?”
Keith explains that there is no technique to be taught in surrendering or allowing – you either do it or you don’t. I struggle for many minutes trying to get out of the way, attempting to allow myself to simply allow. It is quite the confusing paradox and rational mind desperately wants some type of structured method to guide me.
Profound Relief
Finally I am able to relax slightly.
“There you go Brenda,” Keith immediately responds to let me know I was partially successful.
For a very long time I sit in the middle of the porch, relaxing and allowing. Gradually, ever so slowly, I feel the dense energies in my body lighten and disappear. The more I am able to relax, the more I feel the energies simply moving out of me, allowing me to relax even more.
My heart overflows with gratitude for the assistance I have received from Keith and the others on the porch. As the process eventually reaches conclusion, I experience a great sense of profound relief.
Eagerly Waiting
While I still sit in the middle of the room, Keith catches me completely off guard with something I have never before seen him do as part of an empath-training.
“Brenda, there is a door in front of you that you need to find.” Keith suddenly guides me. “It might seem quite frightening at first.”
With my eyes closed, I quickly locate what feels like an energetic doorway, and I do indeed begin to shake with fear. A few minutes later I begin to intuitively sense what is going on.
“Behind this door is my higher-being family.” I explain to Keith through streaming tears. “This group consists of all of the guides and higher dimensional friends with whom I have profound and loving relationships. They are all in that room – eagerly waiting to hug and to embrace me.”
A Terrifying Doorway
“I can’t explain why,” I explain to Keith through shaking tears, “but I cannot allow such love. It is frightening to surrender to being held, even by these higher dimensional friends.”
“I feel like such a loser, like I have messed things up so badly.” I confess. “I don’t feel worthy of their love. I am terrified to walk into that room.”
“Brenda,” Keith lovingly coaches me, “just stick one finger through the open doorway and allow one being to touch your finger with one of their own.”
“There, that wasn’t so bad now, was it?” Keith asks when I tearfully tell him that I did it.
Soon Keith has me extending two fingers through the doorway, then a whole hand. Soon he asks me to stick both hands through the open door – but I still cannot walk inside.
Circling Up
As Keith leaves me alone to meditate in silence, another beautiful synchronous memory unfolds.
Exactly two years ago today, on June 12, 2009, my airplane landed on a small tropical runway in Cozumel, Yucatan, Mexico. I was so excited to begin the adventure of a lifetime – an open-ended journey of self-discovery.
On the evening before, a beautiful group of friends had given me the most amazing and loving sendoff that anyone could have ever asked for. We had all been part of a beautiful therapy program in which we had developed profound bonds. One of the most special forms of bonding that we shared in those experiential workshops was to stand in a small circle, with our arms wrapped around each others’ shoulders, laughing or crying together while slowly swaying together to heart-felt inspirational music.
On that evening of June 11, 2009, these beautiful friends of mine showed me what unconditional love is all about. We laughed and cried together, we hugged, and we circled up – basking in that glowing unconditional love for many hours before one friend finally dropped me off at the airport late that same night.
Eager To Love
During my beautiful travels of these last two years, I have occasionally needed to remember something that would re-center me in a state of profound unconditional love. Without fail, the memory I choose is of the feelings in my heart while circling up with my amazing friends on that beautiful evening two years ago.
Suddenly I am intuitively guided to transfer that loving memory to my present meditation. As I drop my fears and meditatively enter that frightening doorway, I imagine myself greeting my most dear and beloved long-lost friends. They are excited to see me, anxious and eager to love me, to hug me, to circle up with me, to laugh with me, and to cry with me.
They have been enthusiastically waiting to see me, cheering me on during my period of forgetfulness, holding space for me, faithfully waiting for me to wake up and remember who they are. They have never withheld their love – it is I who have forgotten our friendship, feeling fearful and unworthy. The love of these amazing friends is without conditions.
Intensely Real
After a long period of silently enjoying this profound experience, I begin to stand up for a quick restroom break.
“You’re not done yet,” Keith tells me with a smile as he indicates for me to sit back down on my cushions.
Seconds later Keith is guiding me to go get lost in my own private hell.
While in meditation, I imagine myself turning my back on all of my divine friends in this beautiful room, walking out of that doorway, and following a long hallway around several bends. The hallway grows increasingly darker as I eventually find a little closet. I enter the small room, close the door behind me, and curl up in a fetal position in what is now a pitch-black room.
While in that hopeless place, I imagine myself feeling all alone and abandoned, forgetting about the love of my higher-being friends. As I do so, I begin to cry quite profusely, sobbing intensely. I experience a profound sense of hopelessness, of being lost in the agony of believing that I am disconnected and alone, isolated from the beautiful love that I crave.
Walking Out
Next, Keith guides everyone else on the porch to meditatively walk into my personal hell, to find me, and touch me on the shoulder to let me know that they are there.
“Now, begin to walk out,” Keith guides those who are participating, “and invite Brenda to follow you – but do not pull her.”
“Is she walking with us?” Keith asks the empaths in the group who are able to sense my energy.”
I imagine myself walking back to my room filled with higher-being friends and spiritual guides, again immersing myself in their beautiful love.
I am thrilled to hear that the empaths all unanimously agree that I have walked out with them. The last time I did this exercise, I was so stuck in a deep dark cave that I almost couldn’t walk out.
Purposeful Pity Party
“Now, Brenda, I want you to walk back into your personal hell,” Keith again guides me, “doing so of your own free will and choice.”
The realization is powerful for me as I deeply connect with the metaphor. It is I that am turning my back on that divine love, walking down a hall and locking myself in a dark closet. I am a victim, but fully recognize that it is my personal choice to be this victim, to hide out in this dark closet.
It feels so silly, because I know that my divine friends are just down the hall, waiting for me, but as I imagine myself curling up in a fetal position on the floor of that pitch-black closet, I again start to sob deep and painful tears. The profound level of emotions catches me completely by surprise.
“This is what I actually do when I sink into lonely and depressed pity parties,” I think to myself with shock. “My divine friends are always just down the hall, but I am choosing to forget that fact and to instead wallow in victimhood.”
Priceless Perceptions
“Now walk back out Brenda.” Keith guides me. “You know the way out because you walked there on your own.”
I do this quite easily, gradually letting go of the nightmare dream into which I had momentarily re-immersed myself – pulling myself back to a higher-vibration reality while again circling-up with my divine friends.
“Wow!” I think to myself with amazement. “That was priceless – a beautiful visualization to understand how I disconnect from higher energies.”
Only One Thing
As the ceremony concludes, I sit in stunned silence on my pillow – overflowing with gratitude and light – blown away by the powerful real-life experiences that led to such beautiful metaphorical understanding.
While sitting with my mouth still open, several people stop by to thank me for how profoundly my work had touched them, taking them deeper in their own journeys.
For the remainder of Sunday evening, I can think of only one thing. I want to just sit in meditation, imagining myself in that beautiful room, surrounded by all of my divine friends, laughing and giggling, sharing beautiful love, simply knowing that all is perfect, exactly the way it needs to be.
Subtle Signs
Monday morning, while sitting in meditation at 6:30 a.m., my large five-gallon water jug suddenly bubbles loudly three times – as if someone just drained water into a cup, causing more water to gurgle down from the jug above.
“That same thing happened yesterday morning during my meditation.” I giggle with shock and awe. “And I have not touched that water jug since last night.”
In all of the months that I have been here in my apartment I only remember that happening perhaps once or twice before – and now it has happened two days in a row during my meditations.”
“It is your three guides getting your attention.” Little Jedi voices whisper in my heart. “They are saying … we’re still here … job well done … keep raising your vibrations.”
I again repeat a meditation where I imagine myself breathing energy into my face. Just like yesterday morning, I begin to feel tingles all over my chin, lips, cheeks and forehead.
I love all of the little signs and feelings that continue to pat me on the back, encouraging me to keep going.
Full Circle
As always seems to be the case, following the flow of these last six days has brought unexpected and profound growth. On Wednesday I was blessed with the unbelievable real-life experience of how it feels to be an untrained empath, uncontrollably inhaling the pain of everyone around me – literally sucking the densities into my own body – giving me a rich understanding of how I must have felt as a baby.
Four days later, as I explored intuitive metaphors about ongoing understanding between solar plexus and heart, events on the porch suddenly guided me into the realm of recognizing that my inner relationship issues are the true source of all of my external relationship projections. The process of that realization takes me deep into another empath training experience with profound results.
Several experiences this week have given me beautiful teaser-experiences into the possibilities of my third-eye chakra finally opening – but the unexpected blockbuster was the realization of why that energy center remains so tightly locked up – causing me to at first question as to whether I really want to even open it up.
The most beautiful gift of all, however, comes when I am guided to connect with a room full of higher energy beings who I now realize rank among my dearest of friends. The synchronicity of a loving sendoff just two years earlier allows me to see these higher energy beings in the same light that I see my amazing earthly friends.
But then, nothing can top the realization that I can choose to be with these friends any time I want – or I can choose to be a victim, hiding in a dark closet. These friends will love me no matter what, leaving the choice up to me.
It seems that the choice is a no-brainer.
I chose to circle-up with my friends – both in this lifetime and in the realms of higher energies.
Copyright © 2011 by Brenda Larsen, All Rights Reserved