With love, Jerre Dobson

This must have been an excruciating (sp) process for you to go through. It is so hard to have others say things to our face, or even behind our back that are attacking, and difficult to hear. It really shows how far you have come to look at each one of those comments, as something you may have needed to hear at that time in order to further your healing. It often has amazed myself over the past few years how some things happen with such perfect timing, God must have orchrestated (sp) it himself. I am sure that is the case here. I know myself when things become difficult it is the easy way out not to face it. You have done well my friend to face this head on. Love to you. Lisa

As I pondered your question, it brought up my own fears … fears telling me that “I know all of the things ‘not to do’ as a parent … but if someone ever asks me ‘what to do?” as a parent, how would I answer?”

The true answer, from my old logical left-brained perspective is “I don’t know.” If someone could come up with an all-encompassing rule-book, an absolute list of do’s and don’ts, they could make millions of dollars in publishing the wisdom.

What I can tell you is only right-brained intuitive/spiritual stuff.

1. First and foremost, you need to be the pioneer in setting that example (loving others no matter what their differences) … and I must say that from your comments to me, that you are doing a great job of that. Children learn a great deal from watching their parents. They mimic us and seek our approval, so they often believe that by acting like us that we might love them more.

2. We cannot teach our children to listen to their hearts and intuitions if we don’t model that behavior for them … the best way for us to be better parents is to connect with our own inner guidance, to center ourselves via meditation (or whatever works for you), to heal our own emotional pains, and to approach every interaction (discipline or praise) from a place of loving peace and high vibration love.

3. Handle every situation on a case-by-case basis, centering yourself in love, connecting with inner guidance, and following an intuitive/inspired flow of wisdom that will come through you. Discipline and guidance will be different for every child and for every situation. Learn to trust your inner guidance and follow it – ignoring society’s rules.

4. Remember that every child is different and unique … not just a cookie-cutter piece of clay. If you love them, and show them how much you love them, you can make many mistakes and they will be just fine. But if you slam them with negativity, you can do all the right things, and they will only see the negativity. But even so, their own unique journey will take them where they need to go. We give ourselves far too much credit as parents.

5. Yes, you need to play the role of guiding (and loving) parent, setting boundaries and rules etc, … but as you do so, see each child as a beautiful individual … as your best friend of divine origin. We would never attempt to squash the spirit of our best friend. Why would we do it to a child?

6. The children will learn bulling/judgmental behaviors from many different sources of society. Your job is to model the opposite … model unconditional love, and teach your children how everyone is unique and beautiful in their own way. The more you achieve this form of love, the more your children will learn it from you. They are wise. If they feel love at home and find negativity in the world, they will always gravitate to the love. If you observe non-loving behavior in the children, don’t punish them. Instead listen to them and their feelings, discuss the issues with them (from a perspective of love and wanting to understand) – honor their feelings, assist them in processing their emotions, and never encourage them to just stuff anger and pain back down.

7. Assist the children in finding positive ways to express pain and anger and fear and other “negative” emotions. Keith would say that the only negative emotions are those that are not expressed appropriately. Anger can be a positive emotion if it is honored and released appropriately, used as a catalyst for change. Love can be a negative emotion if it is not allowed appropriate expression. If children can learn to do their emotional processing, in a healthy way, without stuffing pain down inside, our world will be a beautiful place.

8. Last and most important. Relax and trust. Our children are much more resilient that we might think. I would not wish my struggles onto anyone, yet I am grateful for them. I believe that I chose such struggles as a part of my own learning path. They taught me great things. If you are loving, present, caring, and do the best that you know how – all is perfect – all will synchronously work out in the end.

I had no idea my response would be so long. Sorry about that :-). Have a very Merry Christmas too.
Love
-Brenda

“You ask whether your verses are any good. You ask me. You have asked others before this. You send them to magazines. You compare them with other poems, and you are upset when certain editors reject your work. Now (since you have said you want my advice) I beg you to stop doing that sort of thing. You are looking outside, and that is what you should most avoid right now. No one can advise or help you- no one. There is only one thing you should do. Go into yourself. Find out the reason that commands you to write; see whether it has spread its roots into the very depths of your heart; confess to yourself whether you would die if you were forbidden to write. This most of all: ask yourself in the most silent hour of your night: must I write? Dig into yourself for a deep answer. And if this answer rings out in assent, if you meet this solemn question with a strong, simple “I must,” then build your life in accordance with this necessity; you whole life, even into it’s humblest and most indifferent hour, must become a sign and witness to this impulse. Then come close to Nature. Then, as if no one had ever tried before, try to say what you see and feel and love and lose.
Don’t write love poems; avoid those forms that are too facile and ordinary; they are the hardest to work with, and it takes great, fully ripened power to create something individual where good, even glorious traditions exist in abundance. So rescue yourself from these general themes and write about what your everyday life offers you; describe your sorrows and desires, the thoughts that pass through your mind and your belief in some kind of beauty- describe all these with your heartfelt, silent, humble sincerity and, when you express yourself, use the Things around you, the images from your dreams, and the objects that you remember. If your everyday life seems poor, don’t blame it; blame yourself; admit to yourself that you are not enough of a poet to call forth its riches; because for the creator there is no poverty and no poor, indifference place. And even if you found yourself in some prison, whose walls let in none of the world’s sounds- wouldn’t you still have your childhood, that jewel beyond all price, that treasure house of memories? Turn your attention to it. Try to raise up the sunken feelings of this enormous past; your personality will grow stronger, your solitude will expand and become a place where you can live in the twilight, where the noise of the other people passes by, far in the distance.–And if out of this this turning-within, out of this immersion in your own world, poems come, then you will not think of asking anyone whether they are good or not. Nor will you try to interest magazines in these works: for you will see them as your dear natural possession, a piece of your life, a voice from it. “

Now, from knowing you Brenda, I know that you already live this. And actually, it’s really apt because I feel it is a reiteration of what you just wrote in your blog post. Why I wanted to send this excerpt to you was partially to help reaffirm your position (Rilke was very well known for these letters as well as other poems that were written between 1903 and 1908) and partially to fill the request for criticism.
In this letter, Rilke uses many images: he uses the image of a tree’s roots spreading into one’s heart, the raising of a sunken childhood and the treasure to be found there. As well, he constantly reflects on time and solitude. These are themes in your work as well- I think it’s likely that if he were still alive y’all would have lots to talk about.
Though he often acknowledges these themes, he never repeats. He always elaborates. More richness and clarity of vision comes with each sentence. I suppose this is my criticism: allow each phrase to be a whole world unto itself and seek out different ways of expressing the themes you find in your world.

I love you, Brendy-Wendy. I’m so glad I got to read this post and I’m so glad to know you are trucking away at the single most difficult journey. I hope this entry was helpful.
With love,
Rae

When I left the US and my family, the greatest pain and soul searching came through living away from my teenage daughter. While some family members have made comments about how I have abandoned my family, none have had the courage to express themselves and the fears behind their beliefs as clearly as Aimee did to you.

Isn’t it wonderful that souls like Aimee come along to give us the opportunity to show us not only where we haven’t healed, but where we have come to accept and even treasure ourselves as we are, here and now.

Thank you, Brenda, for another wonderful post.

You are amazing! So are you Aimee. I would never have the courage to tell someone I felt that way about them. I used to keep everything inside. Getting your feelings out is one of the first steps in the healing process.

Love you both xox