Unexpected streams of intense tears consume me as my teeth chatter uncontrollably. I am still in bed at 6:15 a.m. on Saturday morning, May 21, barely less than 19 hours after my third and final scorpion sting in the same twelve-hour period.
This unplanned outburst of emotion startles me. I feel confused, beating myself up, looping in negativity and a depression-like attitude. A very real energy is scolding me, verbally flogging me for “wasting” the last two days of writing opportunity – severely chiding me for remaining in bed – for being slothful and lazy.
“Give me a break.” I respond to this harsh taskmaster voice. “This makes absolutely no sense. I have every reason to love myself – to congratulate myself for having peacefully survived three scorpion stings with such love, dignity, and grace.”
Pitiful Pathetic Ego
But I cannot deny it. Something inside me is feeling tired, achy, sad, depressed, lonely, and on the edge of a major pity-party. This self-defeating energy in my body is utterly demanding that I must enter into some sort of negative “I hate myself” loop in order to be pitiful enough to win people’s love, sympathy, and support.
“If I am giggly and smiling then people don’t seem to give me the love that I deserve.” A loud inner voice whines. “When I am positive and empowered, telling everyone that I am just fine, they simply ignore me and go on with their lives – ignoring how I was victimized by three painful scorpion stings – not giving me the ‘poor Brenda’ and ‘job well done’ messages that I so desperately crave to hear.”
“I want people’s loving attention!” This voice screams. “I want people to feel sympathy for me … I want them to send me loving ‘get-well’ messages, etc. … but they aren’t doing that because I am too strong and empowered, handling all of this far too well.”
God Drama To The Max
It seems that I am in my God/separation drama, with the volume turned up to maximum intensity – yet I am not quite buying it.
Yes, I do hurt all over – in a physical way. I am uncertain if the aching is from the scorpion stings or from just having been lying in bed so much. And then I am tired, hungry, and feeling very alone …
“But it is all beautiful!” I exclaim proudly to myself. “I recognize that I am looping in emotional patterns that are powerfully teaching me profound things about myself – about my separation drama – about my inner war with God for having seemingly abandoned and separated from me.”
Crazy Making
“Let’s just wallow in the pain.” The voice counters. “You don’t want to get up and go to morning meditation today. It is too much trouble, and if you make yourself feel better, then who will love you? You need to remain miserable.”
“Why can’t I just give myself a break?” I speak back to this inner ego voice. “What is this all about? Why do I do this to myself? It is making me feel crazy!”
“You are not me!” I respond to this whining voice. “You are just pretending to me. You don’t even have my best interest at heart.”
“Yes I am you!” The voice loudly insists. “I am your best friend.”
The strength of this crazy-making voice is mind-boggling.
Taking It Seriously
“What an amazing opportunity to practice ‘know thyself’,” I ponder further. “This whole emotional scene is merely part of The Muppet Show – it is all part of the dream, the illusion.”
Soon I park myself on the front row of the theater, playing the role of impartial observer, watching the inner debate as if it were taking place on a movie screen in front of me.
“Why am I taking this inner struggle so seriously?” I sink even deeper into the mystery. “Why do I find it so easy to get lost in such nonsensical inner chatter?”
Permission To Cry
At 7:00 a.m., I find myself on Keith’s magical porch, eager to meditate. Before we start, I briefly explain my morning struggles – the bizarre emotional stage play pretending to be my reality. As I do so, suppressed emotions suddenly begin to surge and bubbling tears pool in the corners of my eyes.
“This is obviously bigger than I thought.” I blurt out to Keith. “I think I have been underestimating the emotional intensity of what is going on inside. I may need tissues for meditation today.”
“Well if you do, then that will be your meditation.” Keith lovingly replies, acknowledging that he has no problem if I bawl my eyes out during the next ninety minutes.
A Loving Paradox
Distractions counter me at every turn. Focusing on meditation this morning proves to be impossible.
I desperately try to bring in the love of Higher Self, of little Sharon, and of the angels, etc…, but each attempt is accompanied by an overwhelming impulse to sob uncontrollably. I am shocked by the strength of these inner emotions – emotions under such intense pressure that the slightest loving validation will surely cause them to explode like a volcano.
“But I don’t want to turn meditation into a tear-fest.” I tell myself as I inexplicably reject the divine love and stuff the pain back down.
The very love that I crave – the true unconditional love from Source – the love that will set me free – is the very love I will not allow myself to receive. Somehow I feel undeserving of such love.
Ego voices, cleverly masquerading as me, continue to push and pull in every direction. Finally, I give up even pretending to meditate.
Laughing And Crying
I loop through this crazy ego trip throughout the entire ninety-minute meditation – mostly keeping my eyes open.
The observer in me remains fully aware that I am looping in ego – stuck in my God/separation drama – completely overwhelmed and awe-struck by the power that ego is wielding over me and my emotional state.
After what feels like a completely wasted meditation, I share my bizarre emotional journey with Keith. As I do so, I am both laughing and crying at the same time.
Time To Celebrate
“What do I do about this?” I beg Keith for answers. “I know I am looping in ego – and I am doing it big time. Do I simply continue to feel, observe, and learn – remaining in this ‘Know thyself’ process?”
“You could be celebrating too!” Keith congratulates me. “This is powerful stuff when you are able to learn how much hold that ego has over you.”
Heartfelt Feedback
What happens next is completely unexpected. Keith provides beautiful and unsolicited feedback – desperately craved feedback that comforts my troubled soul.
He comments on how he has observed me connect with others on the porch – and how I do it without dogma or formulas.
“You do it from the heart, with a deep personal connection, based on real life experience.” Keith tells me. “And you are beautifully concise – saying exactly what someone needs to hear without rambling.”
“You don’t get that kind of learning from a book,” Keith smiles. “At least I don’t.”
“I don’t either.” I reply with deep gratitude.
Recognizing The Moves
“Give me a break.” I lovingly remind myself as I walk along the beautiful country road leading back toward San Marcos. “It is still not even twenty-four hours since my last scorpion sting. I deserve self-love … not self-hatred, self-deprecation or self-flogging.”
“What I am going through right now is a powerful lesson into the games that ego plays.” I ponder on.
“Ego doesn’t even have very many moves.” I reflect on words that Keith has often told me. “His repertoire of tricks is actually quite small and predictable. But when ego uses those tricks he does it will stealth and skill. My goal is all about learning to recognize those moves, and to take away their power.”
Revolver
Several times in the last few years, I had heard one of my favorite spiritual teachers, David Hoffmeister, briefly mention the movie “Revolver”, specifically talking about an elevator-scene near the end of the movie where the main character has a major showdown with ego.
But I had never yet felt drawn to watch it – at least not until Keith mentioned last week that I might benefit from doing so.
Last Saturday, May 14, I watched the movie for the first time. The movie was dark, violent, and extremely confusing to follow – but it was obvious to me that the movie contained intricately woven threads – threads I did not fully understand – threads exploring the unbelievable power of ego – threads of characters getting deeply lost in that illusion – and threads containing wisdom about the crazy games that ego plays.
As I finished watching the movie I was indeed blessed by a deeper understanding of ego’s games – but I remained heavily confused by the difficult-to-follow plot, the identity of the characters, and the complex intricacies and interplay of storylines and events.
“Surely that movie must be much deeper than I was able to grasp.” I pondered to myself. “One day I will watch it again … one day I will take the time to further explore the wisdom and hidden messages that are buried within.”
Obsessed With Observing Ego
“That day is today!” I tell myself after returning home from a morning meditation that leaves me mind-boggled by the unbelievable complexity of ego’s deceptive games.
“But I’m not just going to watch the movie.” I tell myself firmly. “I’m going to take notes and dissect it line by line, absorbing every possible drop of hidden insight and wisdom. I want to really understand it – all of it.
Obsessed would be an understatement. Constantly alternating between the play, pause, and rewind buttons, I literally pick this movie apart, writing down every statement that feels significant, taking notes on each character, their mannerisms, how they fit into the whole, etc…
The movie is only an hour and forty-five minutes long, but I take over four and a half hours to get through it just one time. After that, as if once were not enough, I again go back to the beginning and watch it a second time from start to finish, this time without pauses.
Revolver Ego Quotes
I literally love the quotes that I write down from Revolver. Below I paraphrase a selection of my favorites, following which I add a few of my own insights. This whirlwind summary of many of my favorite concepts barely scratches the surface of this very deep and complicated movie.
“The bigger the trick … the older the trick … the easier it is to pull. People think that the trick can’t be that old, that it can’t be that big, for so many people to have fallen for it.”
Yes, ego’s tricks are very big and very old – so big and old that we simply do not believe that we could be conned so easily. My experience is that the tricks ego plays on me are extremely simple, involving the same basic themes (doubt, judgment, fear of failure, etc) over and over – but I continue to fall for them when I am not paying attention.
“Eventually when the opponent (ego) is challenged or questioned, it means the victim’s (our) investment, and thus his (our) intelligence, is questioned. No one can accept that, not even to themselves.”
When I begin to deeply challenge the ego deceptions into which I have fallen throughout my life, I am the first to panic when I question the costs of uncovering and exposing the fraud. Admitting that what I have pursued for most of my life is not even the truth has caused me to hesitate many times in my journey – especially when I realize that most people around me still believe the lies, and will most likely think I am crazy.
“You can’t see what is right in front of you …”
Ego is so very clever at hiding in the most obvious of places.
“You’ve heard that voice for so long, you believe it to be you … you believe it to be your best friend …. Where’s the best place an opponent (ego) should hide? In the very last place you would ever look…”
I know this is absolutely true for me. I am profoundly learning that any voice in my head that does not embrace unconditional love and peaceful empowerment is actually ego, pretending to be me, pretending to be my best friend, hiding inside of my mind and masquerading as if it were me.
“He (ego) is hiding behind your pain … embrace the pain and you will win this game.”
Pain is resistance (as Keith often quotes), and with ever increasing frequency, I recognize that the source of my pain is ego attempting to prevent me from embracing something that will shine the light on his little games.
“Wherever you don’t want to go is where you will find him (ego). What is it that you are afraid of …?”
Fear is another huge indicator of ego’s presence. When I find myself accessing fearful emotion, I know that I am onto something big. Rather than running away, I now seek to embrace the fear, going deeper.
“You know what’s so eloquent about this little game …? Nobody knows where the enemy is. They don’t even know he (ego) exists. He’s in every one of their heads, and they trust him … because they think they are him.”
Yes, ego is the number one con-artist of all time … hiding inside of my mind … making me think that the constant chatter of doubts, fears, judgments etc… are really me, when in reality they all belong to ego, pretending to be me, putting these ideas into my head as a means of controlling me … of keeping me small and separate from Source.
“The greatest con he (ego) ever pulled was making you believe that he is you.”
And this is my favorite quote of the movie, one which I now repeat to myself on a frequent basis – reminding me that every one of the unloving voices in my head is merely ego, making me believe that he is me – but I am rapidly figuring out his tricks.
I’m Onto You
After spending over six hours watching Revolver, ego is telling me that I am exhausted, and that it is now nap time.
“Sorry ego,” I smile to myself, “I am onto your little game. We’re going to meditate right now.”
For the next fifteen minutes, ego pulls every familiar distraction-game in his book. With each one, I simply respond “I’m onto you.”
When I eventually drift off to sleep on Saturday evening, I am delighted by the beautiful high-vibration energy and clarity after having achieved several hours of amazing and peaceful meditation. I really am beginning to actually enjoy this meditation stuff …
A Staircase Up
Again, on Sunday morning, I enjoy another distraction-free meditation while immersed in beautiful energy.
Hours later, as the afternoon chocolate ceremony moves into a phase of individual subconscious work, Keith asks who would like some help. I immediately raise my hand.
“I would like some help with this self-hate stuff – and with this ongoing pain in my solar plexus.” I express my desire.
“Close your eyes and find a staircase leading up.” Keith begins to coach me.
“Up?” I question with surprise. I have never heard Keith ever guide someone to find a staircase leading up.
“Yes,” Keith continues, “climb the staircase and find a balcony. Go out and stand on the balcony and tell me what you see.”
Ego Doubts
Immediately, doubts and confusion begin to consume me as I am unable to visualize or feel anything that makes any sense whatsoever.
“I feel as if there is a huge dry field of what used to be wheat or something, but now it is just straw.” I fill Keith in, feeling as if I am making this all up. “In the distance are mountains that also feel very dry … and there are some animals grazing at the far side of the field.”
“Water the field.” Keith guides me.
I try to envision the field receiving water, and it seems to green up a tiny bit – but then returns to feeling very dry and arid – almost lifeless.
In the meantime, Keith moves on, leaving me alone – just me and those pesky little doubts.
A Despised Desert
“I am seriously doubting myself,” I suddenly recognize one of ego’s tricks – a trick that seems to have such power over me.
“I know that I can do this.” I confidently reassure myself. “I have done this type of meditation so many times before – always with beautiful results – and I will do it again.”
Suddenly, with doubts exposed and out of the way, I begin to receive great clarity.
“That field of straw represents my solar plexus as seen from my heart.” The intuitions flood my mind. “I see it as dry, parched, and very undesirable.”
“When I attempt to send loving emotional waters,” I further ponder, “the field just withers, remaining dry and dead. That love is being rejected.”
As I meditatively send more love, I begin to experience huge inner resistance. Sharp physical pains manifest both in my solar plexus and in my heart. Without logical reason, I suddenly begin to experience a strong sense of hatred toward that field of straw – toward my own solar plexus.
“It is ugly, dry, parched, and dead.” I think to myself with bitterness. “And I don’t want it inside of me.”
Cunning And Convincing
“Help Keith,” I interrupt at an appropriate time. “I don’t have a clue where to go from here.”
“Bring the solar plexus energy up to your heart.” Keith gives me obvious advice.
As I begin to coax the energy to rise, I sense a small gradual flow leaving my solar plexus and rising toward my heart. Almost immediately I experience a very strong pain right at the exact center of my heart chakra. Suddenly the pain in my solar plexus grows even stronger.
Again I am very stuck, completely doubting my ability to proceed alone. Mental chatter consumes me as distractions all around attempt to pull me in every direction but here.
“These distractions and doubts are all ego – a very terrified ego.” I immediately recognize. “They are attempting to scam me, telling me that I can’t do this and that I will fail.”
Yes, I am fully aware of ego’s ongoing games, but to my dismay I continue to struggle, unable to pull myself free of these cunning and very convincing tricks.
Watch And Learn
“Go sit in a lawn chair.” Keith guides me when I again beg for assistance. “Sit down and observe yourself. Invite ego, the distractions and the fears, to all sit with you as you simply lean back and watch while Higher-Self does what it needs to do with the energy between your heart and solar plexus.
For nearly twenty minutes, I sit patiently in that metaphorical lawn chair, doing nothing but watch and observe, trusting that Higher Self can surely negotiate the necessary energy truce between heart and abdomen – doing so without my intervention. I find it quite hard to simply sit without doing anything to assist.
Suddenly I recognize that the purpose of this entire metaphor is to get my head and rational mind out of the way – to put me on the sidelines as an observer rather than out in the middle where I would just get in the way and make a mess.
“My rational mind really hasn’t got a clue on this one.” I begin to clearly understand. “This is one of those times where I just need to watch and learn.”
Bladder Bellyache
Once I recognize what is really going on, I switch to one of my new favorite metaphors – one which my heart tells me will be more effective in this moment.
I jump up out of my metaphorical lawn chair and plop myself down in a front row seat of my private movie theater. I will simply watch the show as Higher Self runs the projector. Seconds later, little Sharon is sitting in the seat next to me, holding my hand. Soon, we are joined in the audience by ego, distraction, and fear.
I simply sit back on my reclining theater seat, eating popcorn, sipping on a cola, and watching the show.
I am surprised by how the pains in my heart and solar plexus suddenly intensify. I keep watching the fascinating movie, clueless as to where this unpredictable plot might lead. As I watch, the pains ebb and flow, moving here and there, as do the feelings of intense resistance.
Finally, after about thirty minutes of enjoyable theatrics, I experience an intensely sharp pain at the extreme bottom of the second chakra – along both sides of the lower rim of my pelvic region. I intuitively recognize the pain on the left side as pertaining directly to my bladder.
Repressed Hatred Redirected
At precisely the same instant, another woman on the porch begins to experience her own intense journey with heart pain and second chakra pain. As she progresses into her process, her inner work triggers me greatly, causing me to access deeply suppressed pools of emotional release. The pain I experience is excruciating, bringing up intense tears on my part.
Recognizing that in the past I have successfully used my energetic will power to “pull” emotional densities from the second chakra “out by the root” – I spend ten minutes engaging in great painful struggle, attempting to do this again. But when the densities do not budge, I begin to connect more deeply with my intuitions.
“I used to wet the bed all the way up until around age eight or nine,” I confess to Keith (and to the whole porch). “This intense self hatred caused me to do everything in my power to shut down the energy flow in my lower chakras.”
“With that hatred, I also tried to shut down the energy in my bladder region.” I suddenly blurt out. “I believe that bedwetting, at least for me, was a subconscious attempt to rebel against the shutdown of those second-chakra energies – to express my anger at being repressed – expressing such anger in an indirect way so as not to get in trouble.”
“Now I understand that my ongoing bladder issues – issues that began to manifest in my early thirties – are related to the self hatred that remains directly aimed at these lower chakra energies.”
Please Show Me
“Keith,” I beg for further guidance, “Do I need to pull this density out of my second chakra, or is it best at this point to simply observe and learn?”
“Just observe and learn.” Keith responds with confidence.
I again back off in all attempts to push or pull, and simply lean back in my theater seat, resolving to resume passive observation of the process rather than actively trying to fix a problem. Logical mind remains clueless.
“Higher Self,” I silently beg, “Please show me on the movie screen what it is that I need to know.”
I Hate You
To my shock and surprise, I suddenly experience the sensation of me as a tiny child, lying in my bed with my mother sitting beside me.
“I hate you.” I feel the words bombarding my tiny body.
“But this NEVER happened.” I exclaim to Keith as I tell him what I just meditatively experienced. “My parents loved me. They wouldn’t say that – they never told me that they hated me.”
Then, with profound intuitive awareness, I suddenly know that the words I felt bombarding my tiny body were not verbal words spoken by my mother. They were my own thoughts – thoughts raging inside of my own tiny and innocent mind.
“It was me, telling myself ‘I hate you’.” I ponder with shock.
Wanting To Be Invisible
“I am a freak … I don’t fit in … I am not normal … Why can’t I just be like everyone else? … I hate me … I hate me … I hate me.”
“I literally hated myself at that tender age.” I ponder with increasing clarity.
Deep emotion suddenly consumes me as tears begin to flow up and out. When the emotional release settles, I share with Keith what I have discovered – what my heart clearly knows to be true.
“I hated myself profusely at a very young age.” I tell Keith with surprise. “I believed myself to be defective and disgusting. I was an insecure misfit, wishing I could just be like everyone else.”
“On the one hand, I was shut down and forced to be a citizen against my own will.” I share with new insight. “But on the other hand, I wanted to be a citizen; I didn’t want to be different; I hated myself so much for being different that I just wanted to disappear and blend into the cultural and religious framework, becoming invisible so that no one would notice me.”
Mont’s Metaphor Revisited
I share with the group about my friend Mont’s scorpion metaphor – about how it has guided my process today – of how I am uncovering very sneaky emotional issues that evasively hide in the shadows.
“But I had no idea that I hated myself at such a young age.” I exclaim to Keith.
Beautiful Diversion
The remainder of ceremony is unexpectedly diverted when a distraught woman shows up on the porch, desperately needing Keith’s intuitive guidance. Several of us remain to assist and support.
Late that evening, as I finally return home, vibrating in a high energy of unconditional self-love, I feel nothing but profound gratitude for the way things worked out.
I realize that this deep childhood self-hatred remains to be addressed on another day, but the Universe has brought me temporary closure – a beautiful experience of helping another – an experience that once again leaves me filled me with deep loving energy.
Unlovable
After a long night with only about two hours of sleep, I again wake up shortly after 6:00 a.m., with ego voices attempting to convince me that I am too exhausted, too tired, to meditate this morning. After a few minutes of debate, I suddenly exclaim “I’m onto you ego.” There is no question … I will be on Keith’s porch at 7:00 a.m..
I feel a beautiful energy, but the meditation does not turn powerful until the final half hour – a period when I begin to send love to my little boy – that tiny young child who hated himself so very much at such a tender age.
To my shock, as I attempt to send love to this beautiful little boy, my heart rebels with a feeling of disgusting repulsion, refusing to send love to this beautiful child.
“This is bizarre.” I ponder in shock. “It makes absolutely no sense at all, but I feel disgusted by that little boy. But he was so cute and loveable, wasn’t he?”
Family Feud
Switching gears, I attempt to bring more solar plexus energy up into my heart chakra. Again, the effort is blocked by sharp pains and heavy fearful resistance.
“This is our enemy.” I feel my heart ranting. “We don’t want his kind here with us.”
“These two chakras seem to be bitter enemies.” I ponder with shock. “It is like extremist Jews and Muslims, literally hating each other – a feud based on profound centuries-old hatred – hatred having deep and bitter roots.”
My rational mind is totally baffled. This is not logical, even quite silly … yet there is no doubt that this feud is indeed real and intense.
Getting To Know You
“Keith,” I beg for answers at the end of meditation. “How can one part of me hate the other so viciously?”
“These are the patterns of our life.” Keith points out. “What we play out in the world with relationships and God/separation drama is really inside of us. It is our inability to love and trust between parts of our own selves.”
“Did you go through this same process?” I ask curiously.
“Not like yours,” Keith responds vaguely, “it was different … but this is your own process, not mine. Just trust your flow.”
“What do I do?” I beg for clues. “How do I join these parts of me together in love?”
“You are already doing that now,” Keith responds. “You do it by understanding and getting to know all of the players.”
“How long can this take?” I ask Keith, already knowing how he will answer.
“As long as it takes,” Keith responds with a smile, not about to give the answer that my head wants to hear.
Three Players
As I engage Keith in further discussion, he explains to me that there are three players involved: the perpetrator, the victim, and the rescuer. In this case my heart is the perpetrator, the one refusing to extend love. My solar plexus is the victim, representing that young child against whom I carry so much hatred. And finally, the rescuer is me, the conscious observer attempting to intervene and solve the problem.
“It is not complete until they all sit down together.” Keith further teaches me. “The hater, the hated, and the consciousness all need to come together in love.”
“Am I scamming myself?” I begin to doubt. “Is this real or am I just making all of this drama up as a distraction from something bigger.”
“My guidance is that this is all real.” Keith responds with love. “All of this is your inner teacher, bringing you a powerful lesson.”
As I stroll home around 9:00 a.m., the scorpion sting on my left leg is still itching profusely, while red blotches continue to cover the skin for a circle several inches in diameter.
My intense scorpion saga still dominates my consciousness as I return to writing after a six day sabbatical. One-hundred percent of my writing today will be spent in integrating the profound lessons of that saga – lessons that include insightful realizations regarding the self-hatred being uncovered in my body.
An Impatient Fixer
It is Tuesday morning, May 24, when I next resume attempts at bringing the warring factions together for a chat in the conference room.
I focus intense meditative effort on coaxing my heart to extend love, even a tiny bit, to my solar plexus.
“It is time to bury the hatchet.” I tell the heart and solar plexus. “It is time to end this silly feud. We are all in this together. It is a time to learn how to trust and to share energy.”
In retrospect, I now recognize that these two feuding parties must have seen me as an impatient and clueless fixer – trying to solve a problem without taking the time to first understand the depths of the pain as felt by both opposing parties.
Tree Of Life Symbolisms
In further pondering, I recognize the heart as representing feminine energy – an energy that has strongly rejected what she sees as unbridled masculine power – the power and will of the solar plexus. For some reason, my little boy child – a child filled with self-hatred – is also living in the solar plexus, lumped in with this other mistrusted masculine beast.
A feeling rages in my heart – a feeling ranting on about that ugly masculine energy that is absolutely not to be trusted. That despicable energy is like a bull-in-a-china-closet – like an evil warrior gone wild, having no sensitivity or caring side whatsoever. My beautiful loving heart wants absolutely nothing to do with this horrible masculine stereotype – a stereotype that the heart seems to firmly believe.
Yes, the energy playing out metaphorically inside of me is the love-hate relationship between heart and power, between feminine and masculine, between the beloved and the destroyer.
It is in the midst of this deep meditation that I suddenly and intuitively recognize the metaphorical connections with the Kabbalah and Tree of Life – a story documented in Synchronous Scorpion Symbolisms.
Those Subtle Games
As I retire on Tuesday evening, I remain deeply confused by the ongoing and unresolved family feud that rages in my body. Why my heart would hate my solar plexus makes no sense whatsoever to logic or rational mind – yet in some strange way, it actually does.
Much remains to be understood and released before negotiation of a loving family truce can be accomplished – but optimism for a happy ending remains extremely high.
The journey to get to this point has been long and arduous. In many ways I owe the profound insights of this journey to a homeless little scorpion – one who now lives out in the rainy wild, somewhere down the road past Keith’s house.
To my amazement, this journey with stinging self-hatred has been sandwiched right into the middle of a simultaneous journey into deeply understanding the subtle games of ego.
Without a forced pause in writing – a pause created by the scorpion stings – I might never have taken the time to thoroughly immerse myself into further exploring the nuances of ego. Who would have thought that the little naysayer-voice in my head is not even me – it is simply ego masquerading as me.
Yes, in a very beautiful way, I have a homeless little scorpion to thank for profound understanding about the games that ego plays – understanding that is now assisting me in the process of replacing an ancient self-hatred with beautiful unconditional love.
Copyright © 2011 by Brenda Larsen, All Rights Reserved