Over the last few days, a new crop of red and extremely itchy bites have been showing up here and there on my body. I have a theory – I believe it is fleas – but I have so far been unable to prove what I already know. Yes, I have twice pulled up my pant leg to see something tiny and brown quickly leap away from my skin – and twice a strong intuition whispered that what I momentarily glimpsed was a flea.
Squeaky The Healer Cat
Keith has a beautiful cat – a cat named Squeaky. Years ago this beautiful black and white cat showed up on his porch, asking for a home. Since then she has proven to be a valuable asset to Keith’s porch – not just because she controls the population of local Guatemalan raton’s (indigenous rats) – but because she is also a healer cat. At some of the most beautiful moments, I have watched Squeaky jump up on someone and begin to use her paws to massage them in a specific chakra – always exactly where they need it.
Keith jokes while confessing that at first he hated the name “Squeaky” – that he absolutely refused to give such a name to his beautiful little healer cat – but due to the fact that she literally squeaks and talks about everything, Keith finally gave in to the obvious.
It seems that beautiful little Squeaky has a case of fleas – and I believe that I am bringing a few of them home with me after morning meditations. (Note – as of this writing Squeaky is now happily flea-free.)
Creating My Bites
Yet I also recognize that I am creating this reality – and that my ongoing journey with occasional body itches has been quite profound – always bringing some type of spiritual message when I have been willing to admit it.
“Surely these bites are trying to tell me something.” I ponder with curiosity.
When I look closely at the patterns, I am astounded. I have bites all around my waist, bites on the outside of each arm between the elbow and wrist, and bites on the shins, between knee and ankle, also on the outside areas. There are no bites anywhere else.
“Are these bites telling me that it is time to increase my energy sensitivities in these areas?” I ponder with insight. “Surely I am being told that I need to relax more and feel the tingly itching of divine energy waking up in these areas – all areas of major blockages in my body.”
A Moroni Energy Meld
During morning meditation on Saturday, May 14, I again have a long chat with all of the energy players in my body – showing them a movie of our healing journey together – asking them to rally around me and to get on board with what we as a collective body are doing – asking them to please assist me by letting go of their old jobs that no longer serve us – asking them to be more open and to take on new roles that will further release past self-hatred and allow in more self-love.
I spend the entire day writing a blog entry titled “A Journey With Doubt” – a piece of writing that greatly triggered additional healing – reminding me that Keith had asked me to blend energies with a Mormon angel from my past (the real unconditionally loving angel Moroni).
As I lie in bed on Saturday night, a very powerful meditation experience overwhelms me – a beautiful experience in sharing energy with this new higher dimension friend.
A Scorpion Saga
I will not give full details here, because I am now entering a tricky part of my writing. On May 23rd I wrote a blog titled “A Scorpion Saga” – a beautiful piece of writing that pulled in a framework of background events that began with this energy melding experience – a piece of writing that completely overlaps the additional details that I wish to write about today.
It may be beneficial for anyone wanting to fully understand the bigger picture, to go back and reread that blog posting before proceeding with this one – but I will attempt to pull in the key points of both.
Energy Opening
Sunday Morning, May 15, I again find new flea bites on my body – all very itchy – all very tightly coordinated to the same energetically blocked areas of my body. Again, I ponder the message that the Universe is attempting to convey. I intuitively know, without any doubt, that these unwanted itchy annoyances are actually a gift – one that I am attempting to reject – one that it is now time to embrace with giggles.
The morning meditation on Keith’s porch is nice, filled with energy and feelings of pure unconditional love. I focus heavily on relaxing my forearms, my calves, and my waist. I intuitively know I am correct – that these areas are key to opening up the energy flow to my hands, my feet, and between the lower chakras and my heart.
Waiting To Flow
As the Sunday afternoon chocolate ceremony gets underway, I again begin to experience considerable pain – this time lower in the second chakra, below the belly button. As group proceeds, the pain only intensifies with meditation.
“I feel like there is a large dam in my upper solar plexus,” I tell Keith when he stops by to check on me. “It is built with big rocks piled on top of each other. A huge pool of water has collected behind the dam, completely drowning and clogging the lower chakras. This emotional water desperately desires to flow onward.”
“And it is extremely painful!” I add as tears bubble in the corners of my eyes.
I have often experienced this wall between heart and solar plexus through many different metaphors. This new one gives me a beautiful and creative way to envision the energy of my lower chakras as being bottled up, patiently waiting for the opportunity to flow into my heart.
Tear Down That Wall
Working alone, but not really alone, I engage Sharon and my Higher Self in assisting me. Sharon begins the process by picking up a smaller rock. She first hugs it to her chest and then waves her magic wand. The rock immediately transmutes into bright white light while a tiny stream of the water begins to flow through the spot from where the rock was removed. Sharon repeats this process over and over, gradually opening up a slightly larger flow of pooled emotional density.
Soon, under Higher Self’s direction, I have an entire crew of giggling angels removing larger stones from this thick earthen dam. One by one, the angels hug and transmute each big rock into light, gradually reducing the height of the dam from top down, a small layer at a time. With each row of rocks that is removed, additional emotional waters flow on to their higher destination.
With the help of these metaphorical angels, the process speeds up considerably. Eventually, after perhaps an hour of focused meditation, I intuitively know that this particular rock wall is now gone – that the reservoir of trapped emotional density is now dry and released – but a tiny bit of pain continues to remain in my abdomen.
“Nope,” I think to myself as I ponder the small pain, “I am not done yet. There must be more layers yet to uncover.”
Giving Is Receiving
Later, as Keith returns to check on me, I express my confusion about he fact that no additional emotional work seems to be coming up for me today.
“I feel a slight energetic pull to go work with those two men across the porch.” I confess with hesitation.
“Well, what are you waiting for then?” Keith gently chides me. “Go do it.”
It has been a long time since I shared energy on the porch. I have been so immersed in my own intense healing journey that I have not felt capable of giving a great deal to others.
Soon, with the two men’s permission, I sit on a cushion in front of them, opting to channel energy with my hands – one hand touching each of them.
As I focus on allowing this divine light energy to flow through me and out of my hands, I simultaneously place great focus on first filling my own heart with this overflowing energy, bringing it in from above.
It seems that when I focus greatly on sharing energy with others, I am the recipient of the most blessings. Almost immediately, all remaining pain in my abdomen disappears completely. My entire body is energized and vibrating with light.
After a while, when intuition tells me that I am done, I return to my seat, resuming my post as observer. As I do so, I ponder one of my favorite “A Course In Miracles” concepts – a concept lovingly stating that “Giving is receiving.”
Magical Eyes
Feeling especially magical today, I focus on expanding that sensation. In meditation, I gather myself inside the walls of my magical theme park, and then concentrate on expanding the boundaries of that mystical playground – expanding them to include every square inch of Keith’s porch.
I begin to send a constant flow of bright unconditional love directed toward everyone on the porch. As I do so, I scan the group with my eyes. One young man seems especially willing to share in my glow. We lock gazes, unflinchingly staring into each others eyes for a very long time – perhaps for as long as a half hour.
I love the magical energy that flows through my eyes.
Love Equals Garbage
As Keith begins to guide the group in an impromptu empath training, I switch back to participation mode.
As he talks to those in the group who seem to have a habit of being human emotional sponges – actual human garbage dumps for the emotional densities of others – Keith says something that I have heard him share countless times before.
“You believe that the only way you can be loved by someone is if you eat their garbage.” Keith guides the empaths. “When you are in a relationship, and you don’t eat their garbage, you will definitely not be loved.”
Suddenly I begin to think about my divorce of over fourteen years ago.
Coming from a place of horrendous self-induced guilt, I believed that it was my duty to sacrifice everything – to do everything in my power to shelter those I love from having to suffer. I believed that by doing this I might be able to win the love and forgiveness that I desperately craved.
I did my best to remain the humble victim of everyone else’s pain and hurt – both physically and emotionally – trying to prevent them from having to hurt at all – trying to keep them comfortable and living as close to their old lifestyle as possible.
Yes, in a desperate endeavor to love and be loved, I honestly attempted to be the garbage dump for everyone else’s pain. During that period I happily and willingly consumed a great deal of horribly painful poison.
An Open Landfill
Gradually letting go of this horrible guilt – releasing the need to sacrifice myself in the name of love – has been extremely slow and difficult. Even now I sometimes wrestle with the concept – occasionally feeling guilty that my path is not one of continuing to lie down on the ground as a doormat, while opening up my heart as an available landfill for others.
“Why is there so much fear regarding the potential emotions of others?” I ponder with confusion. “Why do I continue to feel guilty about having the most amazing spiritual time of my life?”
Guilt About Freedom
Part of me still insists that family will not love me if I don’t set my heart aside and live my life via the old rules – the same rules that family and some friends continue to follow.
How I desperately long for freedom from this pesky little belief pattern called guilt – and how I long for freedom from the guilt about allowing myself to have that freedom.
What a tangled web I weave.
A Homework Assignment
Keith soon guides me to envision everyone in my life about whom I continue to carry a measurable amount of guilt.
“Combine these people into one single conglomerate of energy.” Keith suggests. “Sit down with this guilt-inducing energy in your internal conference room and have a long discussion. Lovingly remind them that it is not your responsibility to fix, to rescue, or to save them from their own growth processes – growth that they themselves have chosen (before this lifetime) as part of their own life path.”
“I will do that as homework.” I tell Keith, realizing that the ceremony is nearly complete.
Incomplete Homework
But as the ceremony drags on, I briefly close my eyes and enter that meditative conference room with great hesitation. Immediately, profound anxiety and panic consume my soul. As I sit down in that conference room, I am terrified and quickly abandon the meeting, vowing to return later when I have more time and emotional clarity.
“I am definitely close to something profound.” I ponder while still feeling the intense fear. “It appears that a large part of me continues to believe that eating the emotional garbage of others remains to be the only way that I will be loved.”
“Connect with their Higher-Self essences, without their earth personalities.” Keith advises me as I leave his porch.
It seems that even now – as I write about this ceremony more than four weeks after the fact – that I have never returned to that forbidden conference room to meet with this energy.
Perhaps it is time to take my homework a little more seriously.
Energy Cobwebs
Later Sunday evening, in deep meditation, I again focus on connecting and blending with the essence of the angel Moroni. As with last night, I experience a powerful flow of delightful and pleasurable energy – an energy that feels as if it is physically moving things around in the back of my third chakra.
“Could this energy be assisting me in clearing out the cobwebs of my energy blocks?” I ponder to myself while drifting off to sleep.
Bring It On
Monday begins with a beautiful and peaceful meditation and goes out with a bang. After spending the entire day writing, I am just preparing to publish my post when a massive lightning and thunder storm consumes all of San Marcos.
The power quickly flickers and goes off as lightning rages all around – bright streaks of intense light followed almost immediately by deafening thunder claps that powerfully shake my apartment. This is the most intense booming thunder and flashing lightening that I have experienced in a very long time.
To my surprise and delight, the electricity unexpectedly returns around 8:30 p.m. – soon followed by an active wireless internet connection. I had not expected either to return until sometime tomorrow, as is often the case when power goes off during the night.
Eagerly, I take advantage of the opportunity to finalize my posting for the day – a blog titled “Bring It On”.
I giggle as I prepare to click on the publish button.
“Do I dare?” I ask with a huge grin. “Do I really dare publish a blog saying ‘Bring it on’ after such an amazing and electrifying display of energy and power by the Universe?”
More Missing Homework
On Tuesday I discover another homework assignment that I have unknowingly neglected. As I write passionately about “In Clock We Trust”, I sink deep into memories of having discovered a metaphorical room in my abdomen – a room filled with disgusting human waste – a room that I later recognize as being my inner temple – a temple that continues to be clogged with this thick, brown waste, even now.
Gratitude swells in my heart at the fact that my writing is again reminding me of unfinished business – reminding me of profound inner work that remains to be addressed. The topic of this forgotten temple consumes my evening meditations.
Finding The Flea
While writing on Tuesday morning, I feel something itching and moving. Carefully I lift up the fabric of my comfy exercise pants. With great dexterity I quickly wrap my fingertips around a very large flea. Feeling no guilt about pinching the little itch-monger, I quickly tape it to a piece of paper.
“Aha,” I congratulate myself. “I can now prove to Keith that I am not crazy.”
To my surprise, this is the last flea bite I receive – whether in my apartment or on Keith’s porch. Even four weeks later, not a single flea has jumped or crawled into my life.
It seems that there was only one – and that the little hopping vampire has now served his divine purpose. The message has been delivered and I am faithfully focusing on feeling more tickling and itching energy sensitivity in my skin.
Who could have ever predicted that this single lonesome flea would be preparing me for even larger stinging messages to come?
Roller Coaster To Insight
On Wednesday, during experiences fully documented by the blog “A Scorpion Saga”, I suddenly realize that this mysterious inner temple is none-other than my body itself – and that the human waste that continues to smear the temple walls is layer after layer of my own forgotten self-hatred – putrid emotion that has gradually settled in a physical way all over my body.
Yes, this day of wild emotional turns and shifts brings with it thunderous steep drops of powerful emotional release, awe-inspiring climbs back to new emotional insight, and frequent sharp turns that bring unexpected growth and energy.
It seems that I am indeed riding on an exciting roller coaster – one that is taking me blindly-but-surely on the adventure of a lifetime – one that is taking me to great clarity and increased energy flow that I never before dreamed possible.
I choose to unbuckle the safety harness, to stand up in the car, to wave my hands in the air, and to giggle with delight.
The Pain Is Self-Hatred
Thursday turns into another wild ride – beginning with profound and tearful meditative insights about self-hatred, a pain-inducing whirlwind boat ride to Panajachel, a skinned elbow on a hammock, a skipped lunch, and an early afternoon desperate attempt to hide by taking a nap.
Rather than collapsing into ego, however, I end up embracing what turns into one of the most amazing meditation experiences of my life – four and a half hours of energy bliss – an experience in which I profoundly and experientially grasp the now-undeniable concept that the pains in my spine, and all over my body, are none other than forgotten emotional deposits of self-hatred.
It seems that the fleeting flea bites have been an integral stimulus leading up to this powerful meditation – causing me to further relax and to focus deeply on the intricate sensitivities of my skin.
As I rest on my pillow, early on Thursday evening, my entire body continues to dance in the delightful vibrations of powerful higher energy. Soon, this playground of mystical magic carries me off to dreamland.
Scorpion Stings
At 11:30 p.m., after several hours of peaceful and restful sleep, I wake up with a start, sensing something crawling on my left shoulder. Just a fraction of a second later, two painful scorpion stings burn like fire – one on my left shoulder, and one on the back of my right arm, just above the elbow.
“Wow! This hurts like heck.” I think to myself. “But something really big and powerful is also happening. “
Somehow, after a few hours of heart-thumping excitement, I manage to get an additional two hours of desperately needed sleep before local school youth turn on the loud music at 4:00 a.m., practicing their drill-team routine in the basketball court.
Spiritual Metaphors
Friday morning, after another round of positive attitude and powerful meditative experience, I am again on my bed. This time it is precisely 11:30 a.m. when I stretch out my legs with the intention of further sinking into the relaxing glow of energy-rich meditation.
That third scorpion sting jabs like fire into the back of my left thigh. I begin to half-cry and half-giggle. The pain has already been inflicted so there is no point in dwelling on that fact. Instead, I begin to piece together the powerful spiritual metaphors.
Mont’s Metaphor
The first beautiful metaphor comes from my friend Mont – an amazing crystal healer in Salt Lake City. Shortly before 9:00 a.m., just this very morning, he had sent me the following message:
Wow! That is an interesting experience to be sure! I’m getting that your ‘visitor’ is showing you an emotional, elusive pain that leaves a physical mark. Something you are going to ‘dig deep’ to find. But once you do, it will be painfully obvious and easily removed. Look for a hard shell (defense) pinchers (grasp/hold) multiple legs (to evade) and a stinger (to get attention). Sounds like a fun session! Here’s a hint: in your session, become one with the scorpion and look at your history together from his/her perspective.
It is while I further meditate about Mont’s inspired words that I receive the third and final sting at 11:30 a.m. – deeply reinforcing the two-sting message from last night.
Mont’s metaphor is powerful, profoundly reminding me of the elusive emotion of self-hatred that has been leaving a physical mark in my body. Yes indeed, I have had to dig extremely deep to uncover this hidden hatred, it has been undeniably defensive, holding on for its life, desperately attempting to evade discovery, and constantly stinging me throughout my body through real physical pain.
Four weeks later, while writing about this, I recognize another added piece of unfinished homework. Very soon I will sit down in a conference room with this metaphorical energy called self-hatred, exploring this real energy as experienced through its own perspective. The exercise sounds quite fascinating.
Mystical Kabbalah Metaphors
A few days later, during another morning meditation on Keith’s porch, a new metaphor powerful presents itself in my intuitive mind.
“These scorpion stings are highly symbolic when merged into the Tree Of Life of the Mystical Kabbalah.” I suddenly ponder with delight.
When seen through a microcosmic (in the body) viewpoint, the Sephirah (sphere) called Chesed symbolically represents the left arm. Chesed represents the energy of a loving and benevolent king – the more feminine energy of a king who cares for his people and lovingly meets their needs. The Sephirah called Geburah symbolically represents the right arm, representing the more masculine destroyer energy – the energy of taking away that which no longer serves. The Sephirah called Netzach, symbolic of the left hip and leg, represents the feminine Venus energy of sexuality and creativity.
Even more profound in this realization is what comes next. There are twenty-two paths that join the ten Sephiroth (spheres) of the Kabbalah together. In the mystical version of Kabbalah, each of these paths relates one-for-one with the twenty-two major arcana cards of the Tarot deck. Most people traditionally lay out these cards in top-down fashion on the Kabbalah Tree Of Life – but through my own meditations and inner guidance, I place them in a quite different order.
It is my firm belief that the “Death” card of the Tarot deck represents the path between Chesed and Geburah – between the left and right arms. In fact the artwork on the Rider-Wait version of this card clearly shows a destroyer riding out to meet a loving king at the center of a battlefield. As Synchronicity would have it, the “Death” card is actually quite a positive card – a card of transformation and change – a card that to me signifies the death of the ego as I transform higher in my spiritual path.
Yes, the “Death” card represents transformation and change – and you guessed it, one of the most common metaphors associated with a Scorpion is transformation and change. I giggle even more when I recognize that the path represented by this card is attempting to balance the masculine and feminine energies. As Chesed and Geburah unite and form balance, they give birth to the Sephirah Tiphareth – a sphere that represents the heart, unconditional love, and the Christ consciousness energy – a sphere that balances and completes the triangle of Chesed, Geburah and Tiphareth.
I find it deeply synchronous that my third scorpion sting was on the leg that represents sexuality and creativity – the biggest ongoing topic of my transformation and change.
Pyper’s Postulation
Several days later, my dear friend Pyper and I are talking on Skype.
“What do you suppose ‘11:30’ represents in numerology?” I pose the question to my profoundly intuitive friend.
It boggles my mind that all three stings occurred at exactly 11:30, with two at night and one in the morning.
“Brenda,” Pyper responds, “I’m getting that it has something to do with your age – for example age eleven-and-a-half.”
“What happened at that age?” Pyper asks curiously.
“Wow,” I respond with goose bumps. “Age eleven-and-a-half I was just beginning my sixth-grade year in school.”
It was during that summer vacation, and the first part of that year in school, when I began to struggle most deeply with my gender identity confusion. It was the exact age when I began to deeply hate myself.
Return To Pain
On that fateful Friday afternoon, just hours after my third scorpion sting, I remain deeply energized by the unfolding process of ongoing spiritual metaphors – but my physical body is exhausted and in painful shutdown/overload mode.
Even though scorpion venom in Guatemala is not deadly, the three doses of nerve toxin profoundly interrupt my daily routine. This latest sting on my leg aches profusely, my lips and mouth are extra tingly, mild referred pains continue to manifest in my chest and abdomen, and the “brain high” from this much scorpion venom has me wired – flying high like a kite on steroids.
I remain focused on the spiritual messages – but my body proclaims rudely: “Hell no, not only am I not writing today, I am not doing anything today!”
After doing my best to communicate with folks back home using email and Facebook, I eventually collapse in my bed at shortly after 3:00 p.m. – remaining in bed for the remainder of the day.
As dinnertime comes and goes, I barely muster the strength to make myself a peanut butter sandwich.
An Ending World
As I drift off to sleep on Friday night, I begin to ponder all of the predictions about the end of the world taking place tomorrow, May 21, 2011. Yes, tomorrow is the infamous day of Rapture. Had it not been for many humorous postings on Facebook, I would have never known.
“Tomorrow may not be the physical end of the world,” I think to myself, “but it is definitely the end of the world as I know it.”
Somehow, even though the analogy of the “Death” card has not yet imprinted itself in my consciousness, I intuitively recognize that the old-me has indeed died, and that a new-me is in the process of being reborn – a new-me profoundly blessed by the power of transformation and change.
I love the synchronous messages of my three scorpion stings.
“Hmmm,” I think to myself. “The number ‘three’ – now there is another beautiful symbol – the combination of the masculine father, the feminine mother, and the divine offspring – perfect balance and harmony in all things manifest.
Copyright © 2011 by Brenda Larsen, All Rights Reserved