The first huge rainstorm of the season, a downpour of tremendous energy and power, seems to electrify my body. Later Thursday evening, as I meditate in bed while enjoying beautiful high-vibration energy, I suddenly experience a brand new and unexpected electrical sensation – one that is delightful and impossible to dismiss with rational mind.
I sense what feels like a sharp needle prick, poking me at the exact center of my crown chakra, right in the top of my scalp. Immediately I feel an unfamiliar energy flow, as if a small electrical wire has been inserted deep into my head. This tiny flow of energy tingles pleasurably, beginning at what intuitively feels like the exact center of my brain, exiting my scalp at the exact spot of the initial poke, and not ending until several inches above the top of my head.
To my surprise, my physical senses actually feel the tiny focused energy column even after it leaves my body, as if invisible external nerve cells relay messages back to my brain, letting me know of its presence above my head.
“I wonder if my pineal gland is beginning to open.” I excitedly ponder before drifting off to sleep.
Fishing For Answers
On Friday morning, April 22, I begin with yet another very high-energy meditation, again briefly experiencing the tiny vertical column of tingling energy in my head, but I soon begin to doubt myself, quickly tripping into a small ego-based “I will fail” loop that spirals me into wasting half the morning. It is a loop of tiredness, lack of motivation, believing that spirituality is a lot of work, and playing mindless computer games to further numb my shutting-down mind.
As early afternoon finally arrives, six of us gather on the magical porch. Keith immediately asks me for a status report.
I hem and haw, sharing generalities of powerful meditations followed by a short ego loop – but Keith seems unsatisfied by my vagueness, as if waiting for more details. Finally I excitedly remember the amazing sensations of that tiny tingly column of energy piercing through my head.
“That’s exactly what I was looking for.” Keith responds with a grin, acting like he already knew that I had experienced something quite unique.
Energetic Curiosity
Keith goes on to share with the group how he and Serg have been doing some powerful extended meditations for the past couple of mornings, exploring several amazing options for assisting others in clearing out their energy fields, even from as far away as halfway around the planet.
“Did you do something to help me?” I ask Keith curiously.
Keith just grins and leaves me wondering. The only thing I know for sure is that prior to my arrival on the porch, he intuitively knew that I had experienced something quite unique since yesterday afternoon.
Spiraling Deeper
During the first several months of practically living on Keith’s magical porch, I rarely witnessed the subject of childhood shutdown come up in more than just a casual passing way. But for me, it now seems that the unraveling of my own shutdown journey is occurring intensely on a nearly-daily basis – showing up in almost every direction that I look.
To my delight, many people on the porch are suddenly beginning to enter deeply into their own childhood explorations – how they too had been deeply shutdown by the loss of childhood magic – magic that was not understood or validated in their birth families or cultures. Almost every day, someone else on the porch has begun to launch into deep realizations about childhood experiences. I can only hope that the example of my own journey is inspiring others to open up – to further explore their own buried pain.
Serg and I have already been mirroring each others’ childhood journeys for a couple of weeks, but today I am quite shocked and amazed when more than half of the group begins to delve into issues of suppressed childhood magic.
As one young woman begins to work with her inner child, I again connect with little Bobby who has been in and out of his imaginary isolation chamber since yesterday. As the young woman digs deeper into her pain, I focus on bringing in more light and divine energies to share with my Bobby. Suddenly I feel myself inexplicably sinking into deep sadness and resistance.
The observer in me sounds internal alarms. I recognize signs of doubt, avoidance, fear, feeling overwhelmed, expected failure, confusion, sadness, and depression all beginning to pull me into a patterned loop of emotional shutdown.
Quickly I attempt to bring in additional higher energy vibrations, but with each attempt to bring in the light and to raise myself up, I seem to sink even further into the depths below.
You’re Going Down
Past experience tells me that once in such a loop, that the only way out is to complete the pattern … to hit some type of deep emotional bottom where I either release the emotions in a productive experiential way (such as on Keith’s porch), or where I numb myself via once-trusted methods such as isolation, television, movies, extra sleep, or computer games.
“Quit trying to resist,” the voices taunt me. “You’re already too far into this loop. You know there is no way out. You’re going to the bottom and there is nothing you can do to stop that fact.”
The impartial observer in me would like to prove this ego voice to be wrong.
An Inside Job
As I ponder what is happening to me, I quickly recognize that the loop was entered at the moment when I began to bring in higher dimensional energies to share with my little Bobby. As I reflect on the experiences that Bobby and I shared yesterday in metaphorical meditation, an idea flashes into my awareness.
“Bobby is the one who once had the powerful connection to divine energies as a tiny child,” I suddenly understand, “and it was his connection to those energies that resulted in so much pain that he eventually had to shut it all down, isolating himself in a desperate attempt at survival.”
“The last thing little Bobby wants to do is to further immerse himself back into that light. It is Bobby himself that is attempting to shut me down at this very moment.”
“Bobby is terrified of that light.”
Stubborn Resistance
“Bring Bobby into your heart.” Keith guides me.
It takes me a few minutes to coax him to join me, but I finally sense that Bobby has begrudgingly complied.
“Now have the child go out through the back door of your heart and into the meadow where he can hang out with your Higher Self.” Keith guides me further.
In past meditations, Keith has introduced me to the metaphor of imagining a beautiful meadow in which my inner child can play. The doorway that leads to this meadow is in a very convenient location, directly behind my heart.
“Ask your Higher Self to help Bobby to understand, to learn, and to relax.” Keith continues.
As I imagine little Bobby walking out the back door of my heart chakra, I suddenly experience sharp pains in the very center of my back where the doorway would be metaphorically located. Intuitively, I recognize the pain as telling me that little Bobby is fiercely resistant, not at all happy about being sent out to the meadow for new understanding. He stubbornly wants things to remain exactly as they are.
Peaceful Reunion
Nervously, I sit on the sidelines, simply feeling the pain in the back of my heart chakra while only imagining what might be taking place between Higher Self and little Bobby.
From past experience, I trust that I do not need to know, that I do not need to be directly involved in the conversation, and that it is probably best to step aside, leaving such a delicate and difficult task to someone as unconditionally loving as my own Higher Self.
Finally, after about thirty minutes, I experience a sensation of relaxation and peace in the back of my heart. I feel no trace of prior emotions that almost pulled me into deep tears.
“Bobby has come back inside.” The little Jedi voices in my heart whisper.
Reality Questioned
As I glance around the porch, I feel strangely disoriented, as if I just woke up from a lucid dream, seriously questioning my reality.
“Who am I?” I ponder momentarily. “Where am I? What am I feeling?”
Rational mind cannot fully grasp what just occurred – that sending a frightened and resistant metaphorical inner child out to an imaginary meadow to have a chat with Higher Self could have such an amazing result.
But I cannot deny what I feel. I know that it was indeed all real.
An Unplanned Opportunity
For the remainder of what turns out to be a ceremony of only three hours, I sit in awe, basking in the glow of divine energy, inhaling the vibrations running through me, pondering the mysteries.
Shortly after 3:30, everyone except Keith, Serg and I have left the porch – either they feel as if their work is now complete, or they have other commitments.
Excitement tells me that this is all my creation – that for some reason I need this alone time with Serg and Keith. I could never have predicted what would unfold next.
Disappearing Keith
“Keith,” I inquire with deep curiosity, “Can you explain further about how you and Serg have been exploring new ways to use your energy to help others clear out emotional densities?
Rather than answer my question directly, Keith stands up, begins to walk into his kitchen and then looks back.
“I’m getting that you and Serg need to work together for a while.” Keith quickly adds as he disappears from the porch.
A Look In The Mirror
My several-month journey in frequently rubbing shoulders with Serg has been overloaded with frequent-but-unexpressed projection and judgment. My own deep struggles to overcome the limitations of logical thinking have been repeatedly and painfully mirrored back to me by Serg’s deep processes.
I have often found myself avoiding opportunities to work with Serg because of these painful reflections into my own issues.
In the last few months I have grown to deeply love and appreciate the genuine soul that Serg is – a man that followed an amazing yogic path through much of his life – a man who is profoundly gifted in the energies – and yes, a man who continues to struggle as he progresses through his own self-limitations and belief systems.
But even as my judgments have melted, I have never fully dropped the wall of resistance.
Today, as Keith asks me to work with Serg, I am momentarily forced to look deeply into the mirror. To my surprise, that wall of resistance is completely gone.
Basking In The Flow
Serg and I are soon sitting cross-legged on the porch, directly opposite each other as he begins to guide me into a powerful light meditation.
From several feet away, Serg begins to coach me using the profound energy gifts with which he has been blessed. In a way that I have yet to understand, this energy genius deeply senses energy flow in another. He can tell where it is, how much there is, where it is blocked, and where it is flowing – and he does it all while quietly sitting with his eyes closed in meditation.
With Serg’s help, I soon have a delightful and powerful flow of energy coming down from above, flowing around the outside front of my body, while simultaneously entering the front of each of the top four chakras. I continue to experience strong resistance at the third-eye, but clearly sense the flow entering my crown, my throat, and my heart areas.
Gradually, Serg coaches me into allowing the energy to trickle back through the chakras until it reaches my spine and then begins to flow up the back side of my body, returning again to the crown. This latter process is filled with many delightful surprises as I experience the tingling of long-blocked spinal areas beginning to finally open up and flow with divine energy.
Serg’s feedback is amazing, helping me to trust and to recognize what I am feeling as he skillfully points out where the blockages are, and then congratulates me as they open – even before I say anything about what I feel.
Soon, Serg coaches me into opening blocks in the shoulders and parts of my neck. His energy sensitivities defy all rational logic as he continually coaches me in fine tuning the flow.
Eventually, after nearly an hour, I am basking in a beautiful and continuous flow of this powerful and peaceful energy that circulates throughout the upper half of my body.
Severed
“All of the upper body meridians are now open,” Serge reassures me, “and energy is flowing in all of your channels from the heart up.”
But then Serg gives me something to work toward, letting me know that while all areas in which we have worked are open, that my flow is only at beginning levels, and that there is much room for strengthening and improvement – that much of the energy is just barely moving.
Another disconcerting bit of feedback comes when I ask Serg about working with my lower chakras.
“It metaphorically feels as if the flow from the bottom of your heart chakra into the solar plexus has been severed.” Serg shares his impression.
Intuitively, Serg’s words feel right. I know that much more emotional density work remains to be done in my lower chakras. The lack of energy flow in my abdomen continues to baffle me, but I trust that everything happens for a reason.
Reappearing Keith
Feeling quite proud of what he has helped me to do, Serg soon enters the kitchen and drags Keith back out onto the porch to see the finished product.
“Wow,” Keith smiles as he validates that he too is impressed by the changes in my energy flow.
Keith glows as he tells me that I am rapidly approaching an energetic space where I will no longer need to do as much of my emotional processing using the physical trauma/drama methods, and where I will instead begin to do much more of that density release using the partnership with higher energies.
I can only hope Keith is right. I am so tired of crying things out the hard way.
Building Trust
“Surrender to the light,” Keith soon coaches me. “Ask the light to consume your body.”
Soon I feel an even stronger vibration throughout my entire upper body – but oddly enough I still feel nothing from the solar plexus downward.
As I melt back into amazing meditative bliss, I again begin to feel a tingling and sharply-focused energy stream briefly penetrating from above the top of my head, passing through the crown chakra, and ending exactly in the center of my brain.
I wish I could sit in this powerful flow all night long – but darkness is approaching and I know Keith needs his porch back. After another hour or so, I reluctantly end the blissful experience, rise to my feet, and exchange a warm round of hugs and gratitude with both of my teachers.
As I begin a solo walk back toward town, I am lost in another world, dreaming about an ocean that no longer seems quite so far away.
“I did it.” I proudly pat myself on the back. “I stayed out of my head and did not feel any resistance.
“I actually felt the energy flowing in powerful physical ways, more than ever before.” I continue to congratulate myself.
I smile as I ponder the story of two little frogs, one that lives in a well and one that lives by the ocean.
“I might just make it to the ocean after all.” I giggle to myself.
Copyright © 2011 by Brenda Larsen, All Rights Reserved