(As per my post “Finding The Balance”, all of my blog entries up through the end of my Sun Course (Sept 21) will be raw journal entries. I want to continue writing, but will not have the time to do so in my normal polished manner.)
Sunday, August 15 – 7:00 p.m.
I had two flashes of insight on the way to meditation tonight. The first insight was:
“I am not in silence in order to separate myself from the world outside. Instead, I am in silence to be more fully present with the amazing world around me. When I am not speaking, and thinking, I am instead listening and being.”
This simple shift in my thinking already helped me to have a more effective meditation this evening.
The second flash of insight happened when I walked by Marcel, one of our amazing Sun Course members. I noticed that he was very deliberately walking almost like a snail, slowly putting one foot in front of the other. As I watched with wonder, I suddenly realized “I want to do that. That will help me to be more present as well.”
By consciously focusing on every footstep I will be much more in the presence – in the here-and-now. Beginning immediately, I have begun to walk much slower. Not only does this help me to be present, I also believe it will help me in my Lucid Dreaming practice. By constantly paying attention to what is around me, I will be more in the same habit while dreaming, causing me to recognize more easily when I am in a nighttime dream.
I love these little flashes of insight. Now, the only trick will be to remember to actually implement them on a consistent basis. I think I will begin now.
Monday, August 16 – 6:45 p.m.
Today was quite the roller coaster ride. For two weeks we have been learning and practicing the four phases of a therapy technique that is based on the Tree of Life – a technique channeled through Chaty – a therapy that she has named Shaluah Ka, which means “messages from the Spirit.” This morning, for the first time in our classes, we put all four phases together in one long session. I have been partnering with Sandra, and today was my turn to receive the full therapy. Tomorrow, I get to practice giving it to her.
The only gotcha is that we are practicing on the floor of the small Sun Temple, and the small padded mat that I used today was extremely thin. I was lying either on my back or on my stomach for nearly two hours throughout the beautiful relaxing therapy – a therapy involving light relaxation work, aura cleansing, and energy work. When I went to turn over about half way through, I knew that I was in trouble. My lower back was aching fiercely, but I was not about to suffer. I just toughed it out with a smile on my face and love in my heart. When I had to turn from my stomach onto my back for the final ten minutes, it took every ounce of strength that I could muster just to roll my body over again.
But the real show came when it was time to sit up. Sandra and I were the last to finish, and I felt as if all eyes in the room were lovingly watching me as I struggled to manipulate my body back to a sitting position. I was trying so hard to be brave and courageous as I shakily struggled to lift my body in the direction of sitting. The pain was extreme, but temporary, as I slowly inched myself upward with a painful grimace on my face. By the time I finally reached a sitting position, I could feel the love in the room being directed toward me as my emotion got the best of me and I started crying. The tears were not tears of pain – even though my back was indeed in a great deal of pain – they were tears of gratitude and emotion for the love and concern that I felt from others.
I felt slightly embarrassed, but at the same time filled with love and gratitude as I sat through the final ten minutes of class time. I was physically fine by the time I finally went to stand up, but still quite amazed at how fragile my emotions felt as I walked back to my room. I was starving for breakfast, so I did not give myself time to process the emotions.
* * * * *
After a quick bowl of delicious oatmeal, I felt inspired to try a little meditative walking. I think I slightly overdid it … LOL. The day was so beautiful, and the lake scenery so incredible, that I just kept slowly walking and walking, all the way to a neighboring village called Tsununá (pronounced sue-new-NAH). The walk over a bumpy dirt road took nearly an hour in each direction, and involved a few steep climbs. Throughout the walk, I maintained a steady, meditative pace. By the time I returned to Las Piramides, I was happy, but weak and exhausted – definitely not in the mood to meditate any further.
I was going to nap, but instead opted for an early (for me) 2:00 p.m. lunch. It was not until I finally returned to my room shortly after 3:00 p.m. that my unexpressed emotions caught up with me.
I could tell the emotions still wanted to come-up-and-out as I reflected on this morning’s experience. Knowing that “feelings buried alive never die”, I allowed myself to visualize the whole experience as if it were happening right now. Sure enough, the suppressed emotion came bubbling to the surface, and this time I allowed the tears to gush out unobstructed. I felt so much better as those emotions escaped out into the ether. There was absolutely no sadness involved – the tears were loving tears – but nevertheless, they still needed to be processed and released.
* * * * *
Tonight, right before meditation, a huge downpour drenched the surrounding area. It was right up there with the strongest of cloudbursts that I remember here at the lake. Nearly all of the paths to get from my little pyramid to the bathrooms and then to the temple were flowing rivers with several inches of rushing water. I was one of only 15 who braved the drenching elements.
For the second half of our meditation, we did a partner exercise where we took turns answering three thought-provoking questions: “Who am I?”, “Where did I come from?” and “Where am I going?”
I was not really interested in the process at first, but quickly fell in love with what happened. I partnered with N’himsa, one of my fellow Sunnies. Looking into her sparkling eyes was part of the treat, but the real pleasure was taking turns throwing out creative answers. We spent about ten minutes on each question. I would give an answer, then N’himsa gave an answer, then I gave another answer, etc…
As we creatively used each other’s answers to continually go deeper into our Spiritual imaginations, my heart gradually felt lighter, increasingly bursting with playful joy. This was one meditation that I would have loved to continue for much longer.
* * * * *
Early this morning I awoke from an intensely focused dream – one that I know I have had repeatedly almost every night for more than a week. The frustrating thing is that I can never remember anything about the always-intense dream, other than the fact that I feel as if I was concentrating deeply on either the Tree of Life or on the Tarot Major Arcana cards.
Today, as I crawled out of bed, I decided to meditate on the dream, even though I could still not remember much of anything. As I meditated, I felt a strong intuitive feeling that the number five was involved – and I felt intuitively drawn to the fifth sephirah in the Tree of Life – the sephirah named Geborah – a sphere that represents energy, courage, and determination – both in facing fears, and also in tearing down things when they no longer serve a useful purpose.
As I meditated further, I felt a strong intuitive feeling telling me that I need to stop taking my conjugated estrogen pills. I fought the feeling, but after a quick Tarot reading and further pondering, I decided to take my intuition seriously.
There is a little background history that I need to relate. When I left Mexico in February, my supply of brand-name Premarin had nearly run out. I had tried repeatedly to locate quality prescription replacements, but the only thing I could find was a lower dose of generic conjugated estrogen. I had always been told that generics for Premarin were not available in the U.S. because there were problems with them – but I was faced with either taking generic estrogen or none at all.
Not wanting to go without my estrogen, I ignored an intuitive little feeling that lightly cautioned me, and I purchased a bottle of 100 generics anyway. During my first couple of weeks in the Moon Course, I had a session with an intuitive Crystal Healer who told me that there was something going on with my digestive system, and it might have something to do with a prescription drug that I was taking. At that time, I almost stopped taking the estrogen – feeling a slight hunch that maybe “the Crystal Lady” was right – but then I rationalized away my doubting feelings and kept right on with my daily dose.
When in Antigua after the Moon Course, I visited a pharmacy and stocked up on another four-month supply of the little conjugated estrogen pills – again ignoring a little feeling that asked me again, “Are you sure you want to take these?”
When I had my Lymphatic Massage last week (with a woman that I have been told is exceptionally intuitive), she told me that she sensed that my gall bladder was struggling, and indicated that my intestines were quite plugged up. She told me I should probably consider a complete intestinal flush with a natural laxative (in a tea).
Anyway, making a long story short, this morning as I meditated, I had a hard time ignoring this strong intuition that maybe I needed to stop taking my estrogen.
This is not really a pleasant subject for internet posting, but I need to say in a non-descriptive way that my digestive system was quite healthy when I left Mexico (while I was still taking brand-name Premarin) – but shortly after entering Belize (while taking generics) I noticed that things were not so normal – and they have been that way ever since. I always assumed that this was from constantly changing diets and parasites, etc, – but today’s meditative intuition told me that it is time to make the tough decision – to have the courage to do something I don’t want to do – to have the determination to follow a prompting (my Geborah energy from my dream) to stop taking female hormones.
I have been on Premarin for close to 20 years, and have grown so emotionally dependent on the magical little pills that I am a little nervous about what might happen if I stop – but internal intuition tells me that my health is at stake and that I need to trust that intuition – intuition that has been coming at me from several sources for a couple of months now.
A quick browse on the internet today revealed that one possible (but less common) side effect of generic conjugated estrogens is gall bladder disease (among a huge list of many other possible complications). This search seemed to intuitively strengthen my resolve to stop. Ego is still quite resistant about stopping – not wanting to trust that “silly intuition” – throwing a temper tantrum while insisting that I need my magic pills.
In order to appease the ego, I reassured it that we can always revisit this decision in the future, but for today – we’ll just stop temporarily to see what happens.
Time will tell, but I have a feeling that this is a permanent decision, and I feel quite peaceful right now in saying so.
Tuesday, August 17 – 6:45 p.m.
What a perfect day, from start to finish. My seventh day of silence has been a day filled with continuous present-moment awe and wonder. I know I have to capture the experience in words. The only problem is that anyone who reads these words without having had a similar personal experience to which they can relate will probably see these descriptive words as just that – trite and silly words. But when accompanied by the emotions that I have felt all day, these words send energetic shivers through my soul.
As I arrived outside the larger pyramid temple this morning, waiting for yoga to begin, I discovered a brand new ant hill right by the area where I normally wait. As I bent down to observe the ants busily excavating the moist wet soil from last night’s rains, I felt as if I were a young child eagerly observing her first ant farm. The hustle and bustle of activity literally captivated me. I carried that energy of curiosity and wonder with me throughout the day.
During class, it was my turn to perform the Shaluah Ka therapy on Sandra. For an hour and forty-five minutes, I massaged, placed crystals, cleansed auras, and did energy work. There were only a few times that I had to pause to think about what I needed to do next. For the most part I remained in my groove. I believe that I felt every bit as relaxed and energized as Sandra when our treatment time was over.
Without skipping a beat, I returned to one of my new favorite breakfast spots for a small bowl of granola with yogurt, and a small plate piled high with five delightful types of cut tropical fruits. Oh, and yes, of course, there was the honey jar.
As I munched on my small bowl of granola topped with yogurt, I found myself chewing extremely slowly, enjoying every bite, crunching each and every morsel, savoring every taste. But it wasn’t until I began to nibble away on my fruit that I became fully conscious of what I was doing.
I discovered that I was actually meditating with my food. The past and future were literally gone; I was immersed in the experience of savoring each bite. In fifty-five years of eating, I do not believe I have ever been so present, so in-the-moment, when I was eating. I began to be amazed at the sensations from my tongue – the sweetness of the mango – the tart-but-sweet twinge of the delicious pineapple – the smooth slippery texture of the sliced bananas against my lips and inner cheeks – the spongy feeling of the ripe juicy watermelon melting in my mouth, and the not-so-flavorful cantaloupe tidbits.
“What is that soft squishy thing moving the food around in my mouth?” I marveled as I observed my tongue performing one of its many functions. “How did my tongue learn to do that so skillfully?”
“And those hard sharp things biting down and mashing the fruit?” I thought meditatively. “What wonder of nature designed these incredibly functional teeth?”
“And how is it that I can taste these various flavors, distinguishing them one from another? What makes me like some flavors and dislike others, especially when I know that other people have exactly the opposite likes and dislikes?”
Then I focused on my sense of smell, and on the visual images. The fruit’s were so delightfully colorful – reds, oranges, yellow, and white.
As I grabbed my plastic water bottle to swallow a few swigs, I was caught off guard when I noticed bubbles drifting up from the mouth of the upside-down bottle. I could even hear the bubbles glub-glub-glubbing into the plastic bottle. As I returned the bottle right-side-up to the table, I watched as the water swirled around in circular waves until it finally returned to a calm smooth state. The sunlight – the incredible warm sun that was shining down on my sun-starved skin – reflected like diamonds off the water in my bottle as I slightly wiggled it from side to side.
One at a time, I slowly ate each piece of fruit, savoring every element of my sacred experience. When I finally finished running the last moist bite across my lips, my attention turned to the honey jar. I had been so involved with in-the-moment eating that the jar had not even captured my attention. As I looked down the narrow neck of the small ceramic pot, I noticed five honey bees sinking in a golden pool of thick quick-sand honey. Feeling quite compassionate, I reached my fork down inside and gently scooped each onto my plate. As I finished rescuing the fifth honey bee, I noticed a little black blob that was barely below the surface. Curiously, I scooped it out too – revealing what looked like a tiny black-bodied bee of some sort.
Just as on Sunday, I watched with delighted amazement as the bees began to struggle to clean themselves. “Surely that little black one is too far gone to survive.” I noted to myself.
Within minutes, there were at least fifteen to twenty bees zooming around in front of me as the honey-soaked ones instinctively rubbed legs and wings while doing their acrobatic show for me. As before, other bees began to surround the ones who were soaked, anxiously gobbling honey from their bodies.
I wondered to myself: “Are the bees helping others out of love and loyalty to their fellow bees? … or are the bees simply helping because they happened to find some free and available honey on the body of the other bees?”
“It doesn’t matter.” I reassured myself. Regardless of their motives, nature has given them the instincts to perform an action that helps each other. To my amazement, the little tiny black bee gradually started crawling around, working his wings free. Within twenty minutes, every one of the bees, including the tiny one, had taken flight, and were anxiously scavenging every drop of spare honey they could find, both on my plate and on the table where they had been crawling around while still dripping.
As this side show began to end, I started a short-distance walk back toward my pyramid room. Each step became a meditation as I felt the energy of the moment holding me captive. I ended up walking past my turnoff, continuing all the way down to the boat dock, where I was surprised to see that the water levels of Lake Atitlan have risen at least another foot since I last checked. The spot where I boarded the boat last week is now completely under water.
Moments after arriving back in my room, I felt prompted to go meditate in our little Sun-Course temple (it is available to us during our forty days of silence until 5:00 p.m. each day). As I tried to meditate, my instincts told me to simply lie down on a mat and to experience the energy in my body. For much of the next hour, I remained fully present, focusing every element of my will into opening energy channels in my body. Inch by inch, I consciously coaxed the energy to work its way through my entire body. By the end of my hour, I literally was feeling energy vibrations on every square inch of my skin – from my ears to my toes. I could even feel some of my internal organs vibrating. My body felt as if it were a balloon filled with pressurized Spiritual energy. I felt as if my skin were going to pop with the inner fullness that I experienced. I had no idea how my little body could possibly contain the immense energy that I felt throughout my body.
If I hadn’t had to run to nearby outdoor facilities, I could easily have remained on my back basking in that amazing energy for another hour. Actually, that is exactly what I did. After a quick run to the restroom, I retired to my private pyramid, stretched out on my bed, re-immersing myself into the experience until it was time to run off to evening meditation in the big pyramid.
* * * * *
Tonight’s meditation was amazing. Chaty led us in a past-life regression. While slightly similar to the previous two times I have done this exercise, Chaty mixed it up a little bit, and brought a huge amount of fresh energy into the experience. It was as if this were my first time in the temple.
Chaty gradually guided us back to the most recent life that we had prior to this current lifetime. Instinctively I was deeply drawn to ponder the life of my grandmother – my dear mother’s mother. It never seemed possible to me before, but my amazing channeling friend Trish had told me one day in a session that my grandmother and I are one and the same soul.
(Note from Brenda: I apologize in advance to any of my family who may read these words – family who I know do not believe in reincarnation. In describing this experience, I only wish to honor my dear grandmother. Please read with this, my purest of intentions, in mind.)
“How is that possible?” I had asked, explaining that I was nineteen years old when she died.
“Oh, it is not uncommon for the same soul to be in two different parallel incarnations at the same time.” Trish had explained to me. “In the case of your grandmother, she had taken her growth in this lifetime about as far as she was capable, so her higher self (and yours) decided to start a new life filled with new growth opportunities – and that new life was you.”
Everything Trish had told me felt right, registering peacefully with my soul as being true. Yet, I don’t believe I have ever fully wrapped my logical head around the idea – until tonight that is.
As I pondered my grandmother’s life story – her incredible work ethic in being the oldest of eleven children, raising her younger siblings as if they were her own children when her mother died while giving birth to the youngest. My grandmother was a deeply spiritual woman, always work, work, working on her spiritual path – serving others, serving her church, serving her neighbors, and serving her family. She loved beautifully, and was deeply loved by all.
As I pondered my grandmother’s beautiful life, I could feel her frustration at having reached her growth limit in this lifetime – yet I felt her determination to keep at it until the day she died.
As I contemplated her death, I began to swell with joyful tears (something I seem to be doing a lot of lately). I had never really thought of the circumstances in such detail before tonight.
It was 1973. I was nineteen years old and had just left home for the first time – leaving my little hometown in central Washington State to run off to BYU in Utah for what I hoped would be a new start in life as a freshman in college. Just a week or two after I left home, my grandmother left Utah and went to visit my parents in Washington. Just days later, she passed away in my bedroom, in my very own bed. What had once made me feel a little weird now seems to ring true as an amazing synchronicity.
I have no proof that any of this is true – and I do not feel as if I need any proof. I have no need to convince anyone of anything.
What I do know to be true is that I feel a deep sense of peace and rich connection to my dear mother’s mother. Tonight, I feel an even more powerful connection with her as I contemplate that she chose my bed (the bed of her reincarnated self) as a place to take her last breaths – less than two weeks after I grew old enough to set off on my own life adventure as a wide-eyed young single adult, ready to take on the world.
* * * * *
Last night (Monday) before bed, I took the time to have a meditative conversation with three more of my suppressed personality elements.
When I interviewed “Inefficient Ignacio”, I had a hard time pinning down a visual. He pretty much felt as if he were everyone out there that I judge, including me. When I asked him about his gift for me, he told me that it had been his job to teach me all about “present moment spontaneous living”. He has been working hard for a very long time to help me to remove sterile structure and rules from my life, encouraging me to access my creative, imaginative, intuitive side. He told me that life is too short to focus on efficiency when there are so many more-important present moment experiences to be had. I asked him what he needed from me, and he asked me to give him more freedom to be present with me without restrictive mental structure. “I need love” he told me. “I need permission to take over at times when structure is impeding your peace.”
I find it quite interesting that I experienced such an amazing day of present moment living just the very next day after making a deep and peaceful reconciliation with Inefficient Ignacio. I fine it even more humorous to realize that I began my breakfast today trying to meditate on structured thoughts. It was only when I let that structure go that my amazing day became even more incredible.
The other two personality traits with whom I visited last night were Work-horse Waldo and Slave-driver Sid. Work-horse Waldo reminded me of the spitting image of an old work supervisor, and Slave-driver Sid was a little red devil sitting on my right shoulder. The two interviews were quite similar. Waldo explained that, when used in balance, he gives me the ability to work at my passions without even considering them to be work. For that I am grateful. Sid explained to me that without him, I could never have made it through all of the tough times in my life – times where I simply had to push forward through extremely difficult and unpleasant tasks. He gave me the courage and determination to do what I didn’t think I could do – what I didn’t want to do – but had to do – to get to where I am today.
Both Waldo and Sid simply asked for love and acknowledgment for the great service they have given to me in my life. Likewise, they both emphasized that while their services are extremely valuable, they must be used in balance, only accessed as needed.
I love my new friends. It is amazing how much less judgment I feel tonight than I did just a few nights ago – and it has all come from learning to love the things that I found myself projecting onto others. I am anxious to make even more internal friends.
Wednesday, August 18 – 7:15 p.m.
In many ways, today was quite similar to yesterday – just not as eye-opening nor as breath-taking in the area of present-moment wonders. It never ceases to amaze me how one day’s breakthrough energy experience can seem so normal and ordinary on the next day – kind of like “been there, done that.” I’m learning time and time again that a deep spiritual connection requires constant effort and vigilance. It is not an achievement that will automatically carry over from one day to the next.
After a beautiful morning of Yoga, class-time, and a breakfast-without-bees, I headed over to the small Sun Course temple to do some individual meditation. I was feeling a little stuck, so I did something I knew how to do. I reclined on a mat and began focusing on feeling the vibrating energy throughout my body. After immersing myself into a state of deep relaxation and overflowing vibrating energy, I began to ponder a question that has been on my mind extensively as of late.
One of the things I have realized by studying the Kabala Tree of Life is how critically important it is in my life to balance intellect with creativity and loving, joyful emotion. An unbalanced state in either direction will hinder, or even prevent, the deep mystical connections that I am seeking. I already understood that intellect that is not fertilized with loving and joyful emotions is basically sterile. But somehow, I failed to recognize that the opposite is also true.
As I meditatively engaged in a silent conversation with my right brain (using my imagination as the stage for the discussion to take place), a strong intuitive insight flooded into my awareness – a voice telling me that I was going about my process in the wrong way – a voice telling me that NOW was the time to engage in a meditative conversation with “Intellectual Al” – “Al” being another one of my disowned personality traits. When I began the imaginary conversation, I had no idea what I was about to uncover.
As Al and I began to chat, his forceful power blew me away from the very start of our conversation. He was quite indignant and rebellious, demanding my undivided attention. He began by scolding me – chastising me for the way I have suppressed him over the last six or seven years.
“How dare you try to push me out of your life!” Al exclaimed. “I am one of your strongest and most powerful gifts.”
Al went on to remind me how my intellectual skills have always blessed my life, jogging my memory about how I used to love my Software Engineering career – how I literally thrived on taking on the most difficult of challenges. He pointed out how I had an uncanny ability to figure out the spaghetti-maze behind a complicated problem, coming up with thorough, functional, and bug-free solutions to some of the most complex of programming issues. Al then reiterated how he had always been there to guide and help me, making it possible for me to learn literally anything and everything that I ever put my focus onto.
“We often struggled to learn by simply reading or listening to a professor,” Al reminded me, “but when we focused and rolled up our sleeves, actually doing and practicing, there was never anything that we couldn’t do together.”
Then Al reminded me that not only does he help me understand complicated subjects, but that he has always blessed me with deep clarity and the ability to simplify those complex subjects in a way that I could then explain them to others with ease and logic.
I felt quite ashamed of myself for the way I have treated Al over the last six or seven years. When I began my passionate spiritual pursuits back in late 2003, I started to resent Al’s influence. I wanted to pursue a life of living in my heart space, and Al simply lived in the wrong neighborhood, way over on the wrong side of the brain.
Al was geeky, he was anal, and detail oriented. He didn’t have a lot of social skills, and he didn’t know how to relate well to other people on a non-intellectual basis. I resented him for that, and wanted to minimize his presence in my life. I mostly just tolerated him, putting him under house-arrest, slapping an ankle monitor on his right leg to keep him from breaking curfew or straying too far from his newly established prison cell.
It became my life mission to find unconditional love and deep spirituality, and I envisioned Al as being a huge obstacle, an unwelcome enemy along that spiritual path.
As I took the meditative conversation another notch deeper, I began to remember all of the times in my life that I have been teased or put-down by others for being too nerdy, or too brainy, too anal, too methodical, too socially unskilled, etc. I realized that I have been in a love-hate relationship with Al throughout most of my life. Many of my deepest emotional struggles were related to Al. I always recognized his incredible contribution, but I blamed him exclusively for my inability to fit in with others.
As I continued meditating, I began to feel deeply ashamed of the way I have treated Al. He was not to blame for any of my social struggles throughout my life, nor was he to blame for my lack of deeper right-brain connections. He was a victim of my transgender struggles. My not fitting in had nothing to do with intellect; it had everything to do with hating myself for the body in which I was stuck, hating myself for having to live a lie, having to pretend to be something that I was not. Al was just a quick and easy scapegoat – someone onto whom I could project the blame.
The deeper I got into meditative analysis, the more emotion surfaced. Soon, tears began to stream down the sides of my cheeks, dripping down my ears on their way to the mat below. I was a little self-conscious because Sandra was meditating only three feet away, and I didn’t want to disturb her, nor did I want to draw attention to my unexpected emotional journey.
I told myself that in a few minutes I would return to my room and let the emotion surface in a big way – but then Sandra solved the issue for me as she soon silently exited the temple, leaving me alone to face my internal demons. I began to talk out loud to Al, deeply apologizing for the horrible way I have treated him, suppressed him, victimized him, and repeatedly blamed him. My powerful emotions swelled as I permitted Al’s pain to rise to the surface in an unobstructed manner.
After fifteen minutes of emotional release, my tear ducts stopped flowing, my facial redness receded, and a new sense of calmness and internal awareness rapidly began taking shape as light bulbs flashed all over in my head.
“My intellect has never been the enemy here.” I pondered. “I need to fully embrace the incredible gifts with which I have been blessed. Instead of trying to achieve balance by suppressing my left brain activities, I need to achieve that balance by increasing my right brain endeavors in such a way that they become equal to my intellectual blessings.
Portions of Mary Ann Williamson’s famous quote popped into my head: “Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us”
I ran those words repeatedly through my mind, thinking of how I have tried to minimize my intellect, forcing it to play a smaller back-seat role in my life.
As I left the Sun Course temple at 2:30 this afternoon, I was bubbling with newfound enthusiasm, telling me that I will never again downplay my intellectual gifts. Instead, I will embrace them while at the same time, focusing them in a more balanced right-brain-integrated way.
Instead of trying to make my left brain smaller, I will simply put more focus on growing my right brain while embracing and loving my left-brain strengths.
Later this evening, as I further pondered this issue, I stumbled across the channeled words of my dear friend Trish. Every week she channels a message from her spiritual guide, the Archangel Michael. This is one of her messages that touched me deeply just a few months ago. I copied it down at that time, but never did a thing with it until now. Tonight, I find it perfect for my present stage in life.
Message from the Archangel Michael
channeled by Trish Withus:
“Once you find your way into your heart,
to go backwards is nearly impossible.
But, the journey forward is magnificently easy.”
Reflecting on these words reassures me that it is literally impossible for my intellect to overwhelm me, taking me out of my well-entrenched heart space. Tonight, I believe with all my heart that I can openly embrace my intellectual gifts without putting my heart journey in any danger whatsoever.
I am quite interested in seeing how this newfound insight affects my future growth.
But now, it is time to crawl between the sheets. I am anxiously awaiting my next powerful dream experience.
Copyright © 2010 by Brenda Larsen, All Rights Reserved