Much needed Christmas music floods my apartment as I revel in the glow of peaceful energy. It is December 18, the final Sunday before Christmas. The emotional journey has been intense in the last several weeks – so intense that Christmas is the last thing on my mind.
A Loving Space
Later in the afternoon, as I sit on Keith’s magical porch during the glow meditation, nervous sensations begin to dance in my abdomen. I feel lots of little pains beginning to dance in my tummy, and as I do so, I visualize a ball of light in front of me as I meditatively express my intent for the prickly emotions to be released to that light so that they can be sent to their higher evolvement. Gratitude swells in my heart as I watch the prickly sensations dissolve and disappear. As new pains randomly appear, they too quickly flow out of me to that ball of light in front of me.
Soon, my heart feels so powerful and connected, that I imagine my ball of light expanding. I visualize that a small thread extends from my ball of light to a woman across the porch who is crying. I then feel guided to quickly expand the metaphor, imagining that my ball of light is connected to every single person on the porch, each via his or her own individual thread. My intent is that my heart will serve love like a butler with a silver tray, serving love to anyone who chooses to partake, receiving densities from anyone who is ready and willing to release.
As I hold this loving image in my mind, I simply breathe with deep focus. Each breath feels as if I am increasingly filling my heart with more love and light.
I am alive and in my loving space.
Tears Of Joy
After a while, I notice a beautiful woman from Europe, I will call her Marie, shedding a few tears. Something in my heart whispers “Go sit and work with her.”
Glancing quickly at Keith, I use hand gestures to express my intent and he nods his approval. Soon I am seated on a cushion, directly in front of Marie, grounding energy in her feet while gazing into her tear-filled eyes.
For more than thirty minutes, I share an amazing experience of heart connecting and emotional release with this beautiful woman. My energy sensitivities are still weak, but my heart radiates with loving confidence and power. As I energetically connect with Marie, synchronizing my breathing with hers, supporting her heart while she passes through her profound emotional release process, my own heart sings as tiny tears of joy fill my eyes.
“Bring in the light to fill the space where those emotional densities used to be.” I eventually whisper to Marie as her tears subside.
Soon, we are both glowing with inner light and peace. How could I possibly know that in just a few weeks, Marie will do something similar for me?
Loving Confidence
After returning to my seat, I resume my ball of light visualization, again looking around the porch and imagining a thread extending from my ball of light to each and every person on the porch.
Soon, I lock eyes a woman across the porch that I have just barely met. With a look of wonder on her face, she begins to communicate from afar using hand gestures. After making a circle motion with her hand, she then points at every person on the porch and then points to my heart. Then she again draws another circle and indicates with her facial expression and gestures that she can feel what I am doing.
Wow! What powerful feedback!
While in this deep heart space, rational mind had been quietly chattering away, in a very low voice, whispering that I am making all of this up. But this beautiful woman, with whom I have not communicated in any physical way, can feel exactly what is happening with my heart. Immediately the ego chatter ceases and my loving confidence locks in ever stronger.
My head has no idea what I am doing, but my heart absolutely knows that the experience flowing through me is real.
Migrating Pains
Soon, as Keith assists someone with deep inner child work, my stomach and solar plexus suddenly swell and ache. The waistband of my skirt feels extremely tight and pinched.
“Keith,” I tap my teacher on the shoulder, and point to my tummy. “Is this pain mine or his?”
“Both,” Keith confidently responds after checking his guidance. “You are reading what is going on with him, finding the same issue inside of you, and working on it in yourself.”
As Keith moves on to work with a few other people, my migrating pains continue to grow wilder and more intense – pains coming and going through various places of my solar plexus, heart chakra, and high heart region.
“Mine or hers?” I again interrupt to ask Keith a question about pain in my heart as he works with my friend from Canada.
“Hers” Keith replies.
Empath Craziness
I do not like feeling these pains. They hurt and are very confusing. My solar plexus remains quite swollen and uncomfortable.
“Wow,” I ponder with shock. “Is this what I have been doing my whole life … taking in the emotional pain of others and believing it to be my own?”
“Release all of this density to the ball of light in front of you.” Keith resumes working with me in my confusion.
Immediately I am stuck in my head, “trying” to use rational mind to perform the task. Finally, as I resume focus on simply trusting my heart while taking deep relaxing breaths, I feel the pains in my solar plexus suddenly decrease.
“There!” Keith quickly exclaims at the very moment my pain diminishes. “You did it.”
It never ceases to amaze me how Keith can tell what is going on energetically inside of me before I give him any feedback whatsoever.
“You let a lot of it go,” Keith praises me, “but not all of it.”
Pain Or Fun?
As Keith again moves on, I continue focusing on my inner journey – a journey of bouncing in and out of head doubts while simultaneously releasing more and more of the pains.
“You must have let something go because my solar plexus sure feels a lot better.” I overhear Keith share with my friend from Canada.
As Keith provides this feedback to my friend, I too suddenly feel much more profound peace in my own solar plexus.
“Does Keith really feel these same types of pains as intensely as I am feeling them today?” I ponder with curiosity. “If so, how does he do it without going absolutely crazy?”
I am just learning to trust myself, to realize that not everything I feel inside is even my own issue. I have so much fear surrounding this ability that I still keep it mostly shut down. It seems that today I am being given another profound glimpse about where I am headed – a glimpse that is impossible to deny – a glimpse that shows me how confused and frightened I remain.
“Wow,” I think to myself. “I can fight this empath stuff with fear and pain, or I can accept that I am doing it … and I can turn it into a fun adventure – an adventure of not taking the pain personally or seriously – an adventure of learning to find the joy in feeling what someone else is feeling so that I can help them.”
A Profound Glimpse
To my delight, as I process these new insights, my pain and anxiety disappear, and I soon return to a powerful ball-of-light connection to the whole porch.
The remainder of the ceremony is beautiful, filled with additional confidence building experiences of following my heart and recognizing the fun adventure of holding a tray of unconditional love, making that love available to others, but being completely unattached to outcomes.
As the ceremony flows to conclusion, several people congratulate Keith on the beautiful experience.
“I could not do this alone.” He comments. “I want to express my deep gratitude to those that helped.”
As Keith speaks these words, he momentarily makes eye contact with me. Silent giggles of joy fill my heart as I humbly recognize that today I was given a profound glimpse of where my healing journey is taking me. I have no illusions of having arrived. I know I am immersed in a profound process, and that today I was given a golden carrot to give me the loving courage to keep going deeper into the blockages that hold me back.
A Strange Paradox
As I finally rest my head on my pillow, I overflow with profound trust in the synchronous flow that continuously guides me in my process. A sense of peace resonates in my heart as I realize that I am unattached to where the flow takes me – whether it be into more intense tears, or into the glow of loving peace and light.
As I meditate in bed, I feel amazing bursts of beautiful energy in my head and pleasurable vibrating in my neck – both in the front and back. I have no memories of every having felt such strong energetic vibrations in these areas of my throat chakra.
Shortly before midnight, I wake up with the feeling of being a tiny child spitting up, while simultaneously, a few drops of vomit make it all the way into my now-burning nose. The sensation is extremely uncomfortable – an experience that has not graced my path in a very long time. As I attempt to drift off to sleep, a pack of extremely noisy dogs bark and yelp at each other outside my window.
“Love yourself as a beautiful and innocent little child,” The dogs seem to be telling me as I remember a metaphor from nearly a year ago – a metaphor of love-starved junkyard dogs energetically hanging out in my abdomen.
My whole body is twitching with new and somewhat uncomfortable energies. Yet I do not fight them, because I am intuitively guided to imagine the metaphor of a sleeping foot waking up. I trust that something is energetically happening in my body that is taking me to a new place. It is something that Keith often refers to as the “Goddess’s operating table.”
I am stuck in a strange paradox: Relaxation is impossible, yet peace continues to consume my soul. I simply “allow.” Eventually, after a few hours of unattached cooperating and trusting the energies, I am able to relax and drift back to dreamland.
Emotional Exhaustion
After a beautiful Monday of writing and hiking with a dear friend, I awaken very early on Tuesday morning. Even though my energetic experiences on Sunday were profound and beautiful, I feel deeply exhausted. I am slightly rebellious and hesitant to engage in additional inner work of any type.
So what does one do in such a state of emotional and inner work exhaustion? Why you say, “Yes, of course, I would love to” when Keith asks if you would like to participate in two long private chocolate ceremonies on your normal day off.
A Hug Addict
At 7:15 a.m., I walk down to the San Marcos boat dock, where I meet up with Keith and another dear friend – a friend I will call Susan. Our first ceremony of the day is at a yoga retreat center across the lake.
The morning air is fresh and clear, and the views of picturesque Lake Atitlan are breathtaking. Our second boat ride takes us along the base of the San Pedro volcano, while simultaneously giving us gorgeous views of two other towering volcanoes just above and behind the small town of Santiago. Shortly before 9:00 a.m., we arrive at our destination, a small eco-friendly retreat center on a quiet bay, nestled beneath the southern edge of the San Pedro volcano.
I cannot wait to see two dear friends that I have not seen in a very long time – both of whom have come back to the lake for this retreat. One is co-teaching the advanced teacher training course at the retreat center. This beautiful woman left everything to follow her heart, and is now co-owner of a retreat center on the beaches of west-central Mexico. The other friend is a teacher-trainee student that I will call Angela – a name I will use because she has since become a metaphor for my inner “hug-angel.” From the moment I first met Angela a year ago, we have been addicted to each others’ hugs – and I have not had a “hug-fix” since March of 2011.
Surrounded By Love
My first “hug-fix” occurs within minutes of stepping out of the boat onto a large wooden boat-dock that doubles as a morning meditation center.
Giggling hugs abound as I embrace my two long-lost friends. I am indirectly responsible and/or connected with the process of introducing each of them to Keith and the magic of pure chocolate. I am delighted when they surround me at the start of a new magical adventure, one sitting on each side of me as the chocolate ceremony begins. I have not felt this much love in a very long time.
Because of this outward display of love, I already feel a deep loving bond with the others who are also gathered in this large, round, thatch-roofed covered patio area, less than fifty feet from the rippling lake waters.
Confusing Emotions
The ceremony begins with a deep energy of being stuck … of “I don’t know if I trust going into my issues.”
Early on, Keith asks both Susan and I to assist one woman, simply sitting with her and holding a loving energetic space. Soon, Keith asks us to do the same for another, and then another.
Then, as I am sitting behind one woman, with the energy in my hands radiating perhaps a couple of inches from the back of her heart chakra, I experience deep confusion. For thirty minutes, I sit behind this woman while Keith talks to the group about various empath issues.
As I watch and listen while holding space, I cycle in and out of intense emotional waves – emotions of overwhelming broken-hearted sadness – emotions that make absolutely no sense to me. My heart is alive, I am centered and focused in a state of unconditional love, yet I simultaneously feel as if my heart were deeply broken.
Bursting At The Seams
I do not think these emotions are even my own, yet they are so strong that I want to go find a dark closet. I want to close the door, curl up in a corner, and sob for days and days. I have not felt this level of emotional intensity in a very long time.
Finally, I take a break, walk up a path to use the restroom, and bump into my friend Susan as I begin to return. As I share my crazy emotional sensations with Susan, I begin to cry. Soon, I am back on my pillow, again sitting behind the woman from before, and the same overwhelming emotions consume me.
I do not want to interrupt the ceremony. I believe that I am here to assist and hold space – not to do my own work. But holding back my tears is extremely difficult. My inexplicable emotions are bursting at the seams.
My Turn
“Go into it Brenda,” Keith suddenly turns toward me. “Allow it to surface.”
I cry briefly, in short sobbing waves, and then I go back into the inexplicable broken-hearted sadness.
“What is this about, Brenda?” Keith queries.
I quickly explain my confusing journey with emotions that I do not believe are mine. To my shock and amazement, Keith suddenly stops everything else, asks the entire group to come closer and to surround me in a circle, and begins to focus entirely on me.
Ready To Move
“Connect with and focus your energy on Brenda.” Keith guides a woman seated to my left.
“Brenda,” Keith begins to work with me. “How old were you when this happened?”
“I feel like I was three or four when these emotions were like this.” I respond a minute or two later.
My response makes no sense to rational mind, yet my heart tells me I am feeling how it felt as a tiny child when I inhaled the emotions of those around me. I could not handle the experience. It literally broke my heart.
“Brenda,” Keith again guides me, “look at this woman on your left. She does not know it yet, but she knows how to help you. It is not in her conscious awareness, but she knows how to do psychic surgery.”
“I’m getting that your high heart was literally severed.” Keith continues. “Not by someone else, but by you. I have been watching for months, and now feel that you are ready to move forward.”
High Heart Explained
I have often listened as Keith explains just what the high heart is. It is a minor chakra located at the center of the upper chest region, half way between the normal heart chakra and the throat chakra. Keith has been taught that this energy center is the one associated with what he refers to as Cosmic consciousness or Christ consciousness – adding that Jesus and Krishna were two of the best-known representatives of this divine unconditionally-loving energy, but that they are not the energy itself.
Much later, days after the fact, Keith will explain to me that he has long been watching me in my frustration over not having sensitivity to the energies – and that a severed high heart breaks the flow of energies, literally blocking my awareness and feelings. During that ceremony, he just suddenly knew that it was time to address this issue.
Just A Glimpse?
“Help Brenda to reconnect this energy flow,” Keith guides the woman to my left. “Help to give her a glimpse of what it looks and feels like to have a high heart.”
It is only in writing about this experience that I connect the dots. I have often been confused with the difference of doing energy work on someone versus having them do the inner shifts themselves. When we energetically assist someone by removing a block for them, we are giving them a temporary glimpse into what it is like to be without the block. Yet, in order for the changes to stick, to become more permanent, that person must change their life, making new choices. If the person does not make the necessary internal shifts, the blockages usually return within a few days.
In this case, Keith asked this woman to use her unknown ability to give me a glimpse of how it feels to have a connected high heart. The task of keeping it repaired and connected is up to me.
A Knowing Heart
As I point out a sharp pain by my collarbone and another pain at the center of my heart, Keith adds more insight.
“Your high heart is completely isolated.” Keith confidently shares. “It is cut both above and below.”
“Your head doesn’t know how, but your heart does know.” Keith again guides the woman to my left. “Help Brenda to reconnect the energy connections that were severed.”
Keith soon guides everyone at the ceremony to energetically assist.
Surrendering And Releasing
I desperately attempt to embrace the technique-less technique of surrender. I breathe deep slow breaths, quiet my mind, and stare into the eyes of this woman to my left. My heart feels her pure love.
Something hidden in me fights, resisting – yet I continue to focus on simply allowing. At Keith’s request, I also stare into the eyes of others, connecting with their loving supportive energy.
Finally, after what must be at least fifteen minutes of surrender, allowing, and simply being, I begin to feel sharp pains right down the center of my chest, running between my throat and my heart. It feels as if a tiny filament of stinging antiseptic has been poured on an open wound.
Some hidden part of me is now terrified. I begin to sob and go into gut-wrenching dry heaves – feeling agonizing energetic resistance literally being invisibly vomited out of my throat.
Moments later, the stinging between heart and throat has now widened, feeling perhaps an inch or two in diameter.
Painful-But-Amazing Awakenings
“There is one more layer that wants to be released in order to further open.” Keith guides me with loving confidence.
As I “surrender and allow” for another few moments, I suddenly flash into a deep and agonizing emotional release. I again go through intense and involuntary dry-heaving motions as I metaphorically vomit additional energy out of my body. I literally feel intense pain, centered in my high heart region, surfacing as if out of nowhere before being thrown out of my body in an unbelievably physical way.
As the emotional heaving subsides, I suddenly experience painful prickles that begin to spread rapidly throughout my entire high heart region, as if my entire chest cavity is a sleeping foot that is now painfully waking up with new energetic flow – as if new life force is suddenly entering areas that have been dead for eons of time.
The prickly vibrations are quite painful, sharply painful – but they feel delightfully amazing at the very same time.
Shared Growth
For a while longer, I continue in and out of a few more waves of emotional release, but I am mostly integrating between joyful and fearful bursts of further opening and realization.
In the midst of this process, while experiencing a few deep sobs, a beautiful little dog named Emily jumps into the mix and begins to paw and lick me, adding her own beautiful and innocent unconditional love to my process.
Soon, Keith spends considerable time with the group, discussing what we just did, helping everyone to integrate the events that just transpired, each in their own way.
I express my feeling of guilt at having literally taken over a large portion of their private ceremony. The feedback that returns my way is that of deep gratitude for giving each of them a huge gift – for helping them to open up and to have their own experiences through participating with mine.
Integration And Feedback
After the ceremony ends, I exchange a huge round of hugs with everyone involved. I am blown away, speechless, flabbergasted, and simply basking in the light that I am now experiencing in my high heart.
I feel as if portions of that little three-year-old angel – that magical and metaphorical part of me that I pushed out long ago – have returned to their proper place in my heart. Intuitions tell me, however, that this process is only partially complete.
I am further shocked when I enjoy post-ceremony “hug fixes” with Angela. She surprises me by telling me that ever since she was young, she has been able to see energy grids around people. She explains that during the ceremony, she was pumping huge amounts of energy into the woman that was helping me so that she could pass it on to me. She could see all of the energy – energy flowing from everyone – she could see it all moving through that woman and into me.
Wow!
What About Me
After a quick late-afternoon lunch, Keith, Susan, and I set off for the second half of our day, being carried back to San Marcos in a small private boat. My high heart feels amazing, but I continue to feel sharp little stinging pains throughout the region.
The next forty-five minutes are a busy rush as we scurry to prepare for the next ceremony – a group of women participating in a beginning yoga teacher training course, right in the heart of San Marcos.
As the small ceremony begins, my high-heart euphoria quickly fades into mild abdominal nausea. Ten minutes later, during the glow meditation, I am struggling. My head wants to go to sleep as I swim in a thick, cloudy, distracting energy; and the discomfort in my tummy grows increasingly stronger.
After a while, when Keith finally turns to check on my status, I explain my energetic dilemma.
“You had a powerful opening in the high heart today.” Keith acknowledges. “Now your other chakras are loudly saying ‘What about me?’ … ‘When is it my turn?’”
Lost In Stuck-ness
Immediately I focus on attempts to connect with the protesting energies in my third-eye region and in my solar plexus. I feel pleasurable hints of new energy vibration in my forehead, but I simultaneously begin to experience strange emotional sensations of deep fear, anger, and resistance.
The more I try to push this opening process, both in my forehead and in my solar plexus, the more unexpected emotion I experience. Eventually I start to physically shut down and reach a state of being deeply stuck. I do not want to feel these uninvited emotions. I cannot handle any more emotion today.
Again feeling guilty for not holding space for the group, I begin to quietly sob and shake while energetically heaving out more energy from the blockage point in my solar plexus. As Susan comes over to support me, to hold space for me, I begin to deeply experience the sadness and agony of having shut everything down as a child.
Ping Pong Hatred
As Keith guides the group in a training about relationships, I suddenly realize that I am in the middle of a love-hate relationship between heart and solar plexus. My love hates that dastardly masculine power, and the power despises that weak heart that brought in all of the emotional pain. These two energetic centers are projecting all over each other.
It now seems clear that my goal is to support these inner energies in each healing themselves while letting go of their hatred and projections, one toward the other. Any attempts to fix will only meet resistance. Love is the only answer. But how?
When Keith eventually checks in with me from afar, he congratulates me on my insights.
“That is ‘ping pong hatred’,” Keith jokes with me, further explaining that both want to fix the other, and the process just continues cycling back and forth.
A Disinterested Cat
Feeling confused, in my weird emotional state and not wanting to bother others, I leave the group and sit by myself, leaning against a wooden post about ten feet away from the group.
Soon, a cat comes loudly meowing onto the patio area where we are holding the ceremony. As I quietly observe, many of my former animal metaphors rush back to awareness.
“The junkyard dogs in my abdomen are calling out for self-love.” I ponder. “An energetic scared puppy under the couch doesn’t want to be chased out with a stick, he needs love.”
The cat quickly becomes my scared puppy. It is a scared and prowling cat – a cat searching for love and affection, but extremely skittish and hesitant to trust anyone.
“I cannot grab this cat and force it to love me.” I ponder.
“Nor can I force it to accept my love.” I further reflect as I watch several women try to do just that.
I soon attempt to get the cat’s attention, to coax it to come over and visit with me.
“My solar plexus is like this cat.” I continue pondering. “It is roaming around, craving love, but disinterested and untrusting of my love. It knows I am not genuine … that I am just trying to fix it … etc…”
Fixing Versus Being
I recognize that I need to back off in the fixing department, that I simply need to use my newly opened high heart capacity to radiate pure unconditional love.
“But what if my solar plexus never responds … what if it never accepts that love?” I ponder with panic. “I need this energy to heal. It hurts me. I do not want to wait. Yet if I push and try to fix, it will probably rebel even more.”
I feel the fear and powerlessness of knowing that my inner energies are not listening to me, not wanting to cooperate with my greater good.
Soon, I am able to transcend and release that fear, and sink into a peaceful state of just being. As I begin to feel delightful energy flow in the upper chakras, my solar plexus begins to relax as well.
To my shock and amazement, the little cat soon wanders over to me and crawls up on my legs. As she peacefully cleans herself, I gently and lovingly stroke her back and neck while loving tears stream down my cheeks. After about twenty minutes, the little kitty finally jumps up and resumes her independent journey.
Inexplicable Sadness
I am very emotional as I move closer to rejoin the main group. As I sit slightly behind Susan, I feel peaceful but isolated. Part of me is suddenly feeling very sad. The sadness is overwhelming, all encompassing – and I am not even sure now if it is my own sadness.
When the group joins hands for a little closing ritual, I continue to sit slightly behind Susan. She reaches back and invites me to join hands and I lovingly push her away.
“No, I’m fine.” I reply, trying to avoid connecting. This inexplicable sadness wants me to disconnect and run away, to dig a hole, to climb in, to pull a lid over the top, and to simply sob.
Keith moves over to make room for me, and insists that I join the group. I reluctantly comply. As I hold hands and connect with the love of this beautiful group, the inexplicable sadness in my soul soars exponentially.
Intuitively, I recognize that I am connecting with a previously hidden gigantic reservoir of childhood sadness. The sadness is so intense and overwhelming that I feel as if the life force is being violently sucked out of me – as if I were Harry Potter having his energy sucked out by a Dementor.
A Bottomless Pit
In this moment, I observe myself as two separate people.
On the one hand, I remain loving, confident, and peaceful in my heart and high heart. I radiate that love and hold space for this little child’s process.
On the other, I literally am my own little child actually experiencing that overwhelming sadness. It is excruciatingly real, causing me to lose all sight of the loving adult who is holding space for this process. The intense sadness is beyond my tolerance level. It is like inescapable quicksand. I sink into it. I get lost in it. I flounder in hopeless, in the feeling that no one understands me, that I cannot express my feelings, and that I have no hope of letting this sadness go. I am in a state of unbelievable emotional agony.
I know that I have dived into a bottomless pit – one that has been stuffed and repressed for over fifty years. I feel unsure as to whether I can get back out of this pit – unsure if I even want to try.
Bring In The Light
After everyone except Susan and Keith leave, I continue to sit on my pillow with my head down, crying and numb, lost in the overwhelming sadness – yet an observer part of me continues to maintain a glimmer of loving power.
Susan first comes to support me. I begin to cry more intensely as I attempt to explain what is happening. Keith soon joins and listens to my powerful saga.
“Congratulations.” Keith surprises me. “These are beautiful insights. Now bring in more light.”
An Impermeable Wall
As I struggle to focus and allow higher energies to assist, a huge hidden part of me resists. I am unable to meditate. I do not want to meditate. I am feeling this emotion so profoundly, and so deeply, that I do not want to let it go. I do not want to lose it. Part of me absolutely insists that I “need” to feel it even deeper, that I cannot let it be taken from me, that I have to feel it to the bitter end until it is finally released.
The part of me that absolutely abhors “fixing energy” insists that the light will simply disappear the emotion, that it will invalidate me by just “fixing it”, and that I need to experience this emotion in order to heal it fully.
I continue to be stuck at the bottom of a huge impermeable wall that absolutely will not allow me to receive assistance from higher energies.
Higher Energies Equals Fixing
Keith and Susan both remain and work with me for a while, but I feel stuck, and we are all exhausted. We have gone through two long ceremonies with over eight hours of sitting on the ground. It is now after 8:00 p.m. and we are all tired.
I am encouraged when they both volunteer to walk me home, and even more encouraged when they come in to further help me to ground myself.
“This is the opportunity to connect with higher energies and allow them to help you in your process.” Keith gently nudges me.
As I express my hopeless feelings of doubt and uncertainty, Keith explains that I still have higher energies tightly hooked as being equivalent to fixing energies – that I am unable to separate the two from each other.
Angelic Love
“Close your eyes, Brenda.” Keith guides me in a little meditation. “Go inside … hold and comfort that child … just you … by yourself …without any higher energies involved.”
As I meditate and feel myself holding this sad and innocent child, I feel the emotions relax slightly.
“Now, ask an angel to come and do just the exact same thing, not with the child, but with you.” Keith guides me further.
As I invite the angelic energy to hold me, I feel the additional support, and I recognize that there is no attempt to fix. It is just pure love. I like the feeling.
“Now have the angel double the love.” Keith nudges further.
I feel slightly more alive and peaceful. Pure unconditional love is beginning to return to my heart. Fixing energy is nowhere to be found.
“Now have the angel love you while you continue to love the child.” Keith takes me one step deeper.
As I visualize this scenario, I physically feel a warm power supporting my back and shoulders with what feels like a cool breeze of loving energy.
“Now have the angel double that love.” Keith again nudges.
Wow, I am resonating in powerful peace, feeling amazing and centered.
Love At Last
“This is enough to show you the love.” Keith congratulates me. “There is no fixing in this type of love.”
“Now, how is that child feeling?” Keith then queries.
“Validated and understood.” I quickly respond with confidence. “The sadness is mostly gone. That little boy is feeling like he finally received what he never got.”
I feel so clear in the realization that I have been loved my whole life, but that love was always given with conditions, with subtle manipulation, control, and expectations. This love, the love I feel right now, is absolutely unconditional.
Real Love
As my friends leave me alone shortly after 9:00 p.m., I satisfy my famished hunger with two quick peanut butter and honey sandwiches. I do not have the strength or the desire to cook. It takes me until after 10:00 p.m. just to take notes for this writing. I cannot wait to crash on my pillow.
It has been an amazing day of profound growth, understanding, and clarity. I have deeply experienced empath energies in undeniable ways. For the first time in conscious memory, I actually feel a beautiful flow of energy peacefully vibrating in my high heart, and I have gone deeper into my childhood sadness than I ever imagined possible.
To top it off, I was actually able to allow some higher energy to assist me. It was not much, but I received a profound glimpse of what it is like to be loved unconditionally.
As I finally drift off to sleep, I ponder something Keith said before he left.
“Welcome to real love, Brenda.” Keith had gently shared with a glow in his eyes. “… not just giving it to others like you already do, but allowing yourself to receive it.”
Copyright © 2012 by Brenda Larsen, All Rights Reserved