The weather is warm, the sun is shining, and deep blue skies reflect my joyful mood. It is early afternoon on Sunday, July 10, 2011, as I step off the bus in delightfully hot-and-humid Playa Del Carmen. I cannot believe that I am finally back where it all started. Yes, arriving in Valladolid literally completed a full circle of my journey through the Yucatan, Belize, and Guatemala – but now I am returning to the roots of my journey, to the place where my guides so creatively led me into the starting gates, guiding me into the journey of a lifetime.
I cannot believe how synchronously everything is fitting together. Two weeks ago, I didn’t even have a departure date or a ticket, and now all of the puzzle pieces are fitting effortlessly into place. Last week, my travels beautifully coincided with those of my dear friend Conny, giving me the unexpected opportunity to visit with her during her own pilgrimage home to Germany. Now, the calendar-Gods have again lined everything up perfectly. My dear friend Jaydee in Cozumel just returned from a vacation of her own, barely arriving on Friday night. It was only in a hasty email last night that I confirmed my own arrival for this morning.
Caribbean Waters
As I walk out of the bus station onto the street, I am hoping to snag a cheep taxi ride down to the ferry docks. I am not looking forward to hiking over ten long blocks in the heat with my two heavy backpacks strapped to my shoulders.
“How much to the ferry docks?” I ask an older man with a three-wheeled bicycle taxi.
Shock fills my face when he responds “35 pesos (about $3.00).”
I just smile and use my eyes and facial expressions to let him know that I am not a dumb tourist and will not pay double the normal taxi rate for a quick ride. As I start to walk away, I totally expect him to offer a lower price, but he never utters another word.
Being somewhat stubborn, and seeing no other taxi options in the immediate area, I begin trudging down the street with over eighty-five pounds of weight suspended from my shoulders. I expect to flag a taxi down any moment now, but the closer I get to the white sandy beaches of Playa Del Carmen, the more energy I acquire, and the more resolve I have just to continue walking.
Finally, I arrive at the beautiful Caribbean shores, at last seeing the crystal-clear turquoise waters stretched out in front of me. And there … yes, there it is … the faintly visible shores of Cozumel some twelve miles away. Only a ferry ride across this beautiful turquoise channel of saltwater separates me from this beautiful Caribbean island.
Computer Clues?
Being that I am an hour earlier than expected, the first thing I do on the ferry is to whip out my trusty little laptop. I will use the ferry’s free wireless service to send Jaydee an email to ask her to pick me up at the boat dock an hour earlier. I do not have Jaydee’s new home address, so there is no way I can even consider taking a taxi.
When I press the power-on button on my little eight-inch Notebook computer, absolutely nothing happens – no flickering lights, no lit up screen, no noises – nothing.
“I wonder what this means?” I begin to ponder to myself. “Obviously the Universe is trying to communicate a message to me … but what is it?”
For now, I draw no conclusions. I believe that I charged up the battery last night, but I hope the battery might just be dead.
Family Of Friends
After sitting on top of my backpack in the shaded loading area for nearly an hour, my face displays a huge smile when I finally spy Jaydee’s little white station wagon. I am so excited to see my dear friend. It has been seventeen months since our last visit. It was a short five-day visit in which I briefly regrouped, one which provided time to collect myself before heading south for a new backpacking adventure into Belize.
Ever since that day, a slight tug of guilt has pulled on me – guilt for having left three large and heavy suitcases stored in Jaydee’s house. Learning to live out of a backpack with limited clothing and supplies has taught me so much about how little I really need to survive in this world of material abundance.
Soon, Jaydee is showing me around her beautiful new home, including a place to call my very own private room. It is only later that I notice the room has no built-in ventilation. Were it not for Jaydee generously giving me several fans for the room, I could never have survived the intense heat and humid nights of Cozumel.
Gratitude fills my soul as I contemplate reconnecting with all of my many friends in the Cozumel area. Just over two years ago, I arrived here as a complete stranger, having no friends here, blindly trusting guidance to uproot my life and to leave the familiar behind. Now, as I return to Cozumel, I have a family of friends with whom I am eager to visit.
I begin that visiting with hours of non-stop catching up with Jaydee. Each of us is eager to learn about the adventures of the other.
Bicycle Bonanza
Monday morning I experience my second delightful reunion – a rejoining with my trusty little bicycle – the little white two-wheeled travel companion that I purchased soon after arriving in Cozumel – the same little friend that carried me all over this beautiful island.
Last winter, Jaydee had it repaired and donated it to a friend – but the friend was unable to use it, so here it is, ready and available for me to ride. I had totally expected to walk or take taxi’s everywhere. Having my old travel friend is truly an unexpected delight.
Continuing Computer Crusade
Having been so tightly connected-at-the-hip to my little computer for the past two years, one of the most pressing issues on my mind is the feeling of urgency regarding my precious little communication window to the world. Hovering in the back of my mind is also the awareness that I have not made a full backup of my documents for several months. Yes, my writing is all on the internet and I could easily retrieve it, but all of my original documents are currently inaccessible and I feel completely cut-off from the world.
After experimenting with power cords and batteries, I am now fully convinced that my computer’s prognosis is much more grim than previously imagined.
In fact, after a brief visit to a local computer expert, the word on the street is that there is likely a problem with the motherboard, and that it would definitely cost more money to repair my computer than to purchase a new one.
“You will most likely be able to salvage the data on the hard drive.” The technician (and Jaydee’s friend) tells me as we leave his office with the unexpected news.
“I really think the Universe is giving me a clear message here.” I ponder in deep meditation. “First my blog subscriptions stopped working, and now my computer itself gives up the ghost.”
“I think I am being told to back off on my writing – to take a break from communicating and to simply enjoy my summer.” I ponder with increasing clarity.
Yet part of me refuses to hear that confusing message. Writing has been such an integral part of my journey. “Not writing” for a while seems absolutely wrong.
In spite of feeling cutoff from the outside world, Jaydee graciously loans me an extra laptop on which I can do basic email and Facebook communications. Yet something inside of me is not even interested in making the effort. I just want to be present and enjoy each moment.
Suitcase Shuffles
Soon, the contents of my three stored suitcases are scattered all over the floor as I explore the forgotten treasures that were left behind – telephone equipment, crystals, clothing, snorkel, mask and fins, books, videos, and other miscellaneous items. By the end of my delightful eight days at Jaydee’s home, I lovingly release the energy of many once-treasured items into the flow of the Universe.
I have now reduced my travel luggage to a carryon-suitcase, a large suitcase, and my backpack. Many of the clothes that I had left behind in Cozumel are now proving to be extremely valuable since most of my jeans and capris from Guatemala have worn out completely, and the blouses all show considerable wear.
Social Circles
I love the social circles in which I participated while in Cozumel for five months back in 2009.
During my present visit, I experience nothing but joy as I re-experience one group after another, including the Wednesday morning breakfast gathering, the Friday night game night, and a newly established cultural movie night.
Add to that the opportunity to share meals with a few friends, to participate in two additional private game nights, and a snorkeling excursion on Saturday. My social schedule during this beautiful week seems to burst at the seams.
I am still amazed at how I originally came to this island knowing absolutely nobody, and how I now feel right at home in so many places.
The New And The Old
As I ride my little white bicycle all over the city, I attempt to take in as much of the old and the new as possible. Something that is new is a huge Sam’s Club and a neighboring Walmart-owned department store. It seems that Cozumel is continuously growing more westernized.
It takes me a few attempts, but I also enjoy a fun lunch reunion with my friends Roger and Agi at the Corona Sports bar. Several times per week I used to walk to their restaurant from the central plaza after spending a beautiful morning writing in that incredible Cozumel energy near the beautiful turquoise Caribbean waters.
But one familiar face is conspicuously absent in my search. Those who have read my Cozumel blogs may remember my sweet seventy-five year old friend Miguel. I wrote many times of the confusing discussions and encounters that the two of us shared as I attempted to use my broken Spanish to explain to him, “I love you only as a friend.” I have only recently learned that I was using the wrong verb for “to love,” giving Miguel the message that I loved and wanted him in other more romantic ways.
Miguel and I shared many conversations together in the town plaza as he gave me a much needed (but awkward) forum in which to practice my Spanish skills.
After failing to find Miguel at his place of employment where he worked as a bagger in a large department store, I finally pedal my bicycle past his home. To my sadness, his red jeep is missing, and a conspicuous “For Sale” sign stands at the gate of the now-empty property.
Twenty minutes later, as I converse with the woman who listed the property for sale, she tells me “Miguel was just a renter there. I have no idea what happened to him.”
Not wanting to give up, I briefly return to one of my favorite hangout spots on Saturday night – the Salsa dancing at the town plaza. To my delight, I find one of Miguel’s former friends there, and he is able to provide happy news.
“Miguel’s son came and took him back to the mainland to live with the family.” This former friend shares with me.
While sad not to get a chance to see my now-seventy-seven year old friend one last time, I am grateful that his family is now caring for him.
“Miguel, I send you my love (but as a friend, not romantic love LOL).”
Medicine Man Encounters
Of course, no visit to Cozumel would be complete without a visit to my dear friend Rafael – the same Rafael about whom I wrote in my “Why Cozumel” link on the “About” pages of my blog. When I first returned to Cozumel in June of 2009, I had no idea if I would ever locate Rafael, or if I would ever sit in a meditation group with his mysterious teacher/medicine man.
Finally, in September of 2009, that wish manifested as reality when I unexpectedly connected with my dear friend under very synchronous circumstances. Those beautiful stories can all be found in colorful detail in my blogs during that era.
Thursday afternoon, on my fifth day in Cozumel, I return on a ferry to Playa Del Carmen. To my surprise, when I finally reunite with my dear friend Rafael, he cannot wait to introduce me to his new girlfriend and partner, Maria (not her real name).
Soon, the three of us sit in the small meditation room of Rafael’s teacher in Cancun. Not only has this beautiful teacher now resumed his weekly classes/meditations, but he now leads them twice per week.
I find joy in a brief opportunity to chat with Maestro Hercules. Rafael’s teacher seems quite interested in having me return for a Saturday class in which he will talk about how to help others without bringing their dense energy inside your self. Does that sound vaguely familiar?
Giggling inside at the synchronous choice of topics, I reserve my response to the invitation until a later decision. I have a very busy schedule before I fly home on Monday. As fate would have it, I take Maestro Hercules’s chosen topic as a message synchronously reminding me that I have much to learn in the area of being an empath. Later intuitions assure me that I need not stress myself by trying to return to Cancun yet-again on Saturday evening.
Unattached Hurry
The speedometer reads 120 kilometers per hour (about 75 mph), as Rafael speeds back down the highway from Cancun toward Playa Del Carmen, hoping to get me there in time for the last ferry to Cozumel. I simply giggle inside, as I experience no attachment to the outcome – totally trusting that whatever happens will be perfect.
While I have enjoyed the trip to see Rafael’s teacher in Cancun, I have had very little opportunity to actually engage in conversation with Rafael himself. He is now so focused on driving fast, that conversation is only an afterthought, other than the periodic reassurance that he gives me.
“Don’t worry Brenda.” Rafael occasionally shares. “I’ll get you back to the ferry on time; the last ferry always leaves at least ten minutes late.”
To my delight, as Maria runs with me, accompanying me down to the ferry dock to make sure I get on board, we note that the 10:00 p.m. ferry is already cruising a couple hundred feet out into the dark night waters. A glance at my watch reads 10:02 p.m..
I simply giggle as Maria insists that I will spend the night at their house.
Late-Night Connections
The three of us stay up until well past midnight enjoying delightful conversation as Maria prepares a late-night treat of delicious ham-and-cheese quesadillas for us all to enjoy. I literally love this unexpected opportunity to get to know my friends better.
As early morning hours tick away, I am the first to suggest that it is late and that I should go to bed now. I hesitate to say anything, even though I am physically exhausted, because I am so thoroughly enjoying the visit.
Friday morning, after more fun and casual conversation over a breakfast of coca cola and cinnamon rolls, Rafael drops me off at the ferry dock just in time to catch the 9:00 a.m. boat back to Cozumel.
Gratitude swells in my heart as I thank the Universe for this additional opportunity to connect with my dear friend Rafael and his beautiful family. My trip to Cozumel would never have been complete without this much-needed time to reconnect.
Last But Not Least
And how could anyone forget Eduardo – an incredible spiritual giant who has inspired me in countless ways. There is no doubt in my mind that it was my passionate search to reconnect with Rafael that led me to develop such deep bonds with Eduardo – and that I was not synchronously guided to actually find Rafael until after those bonds with Eduardo were first firmly established.
On this I am quite clear … Eduardo has and will continue to play a key and integral role in my ongoing adventures of spiritual self-discovery. He is singlehandedly responsible for inspiring me to fly to Mexico City in October 2009, as I faced incredible fears while immersing myself into an unknown and amazing adventure in so many different ways. It was an adventure of visiting spectacular ancient ruins, marching through Mexico City dressed in white, and of spending several days with an unforgettable and inspiring group of devoted Olmec followers.
Then, it was also Eduardo who guided me into the people-connections that facilitated my participation in the five-day “Festival de Chikaban” in November of 2009. That was a once-in-a-lifetime, unforgettable experience where Mayan, Olmec, Aztec, and Zapotec leaders from all over Mexico gathered in the jungles of Ek Balam, about thirty minutes north of Valladolid.
Yes, my ties with this genuine man run deep. I am so grateful to both him and his beautiful wife and children for the amazing growth through which his guidance has directed me.
No Longer Brenda’s Bicycle
I delight in the opportunity to connect with Eduardo on three different occasions this week. It seems that we both have a strong desire to share and a great deal to talk about. During our first visit on Monday, we mainly share stories and reconnect with events that have transpired in our own lives. On Tuesday, Eduardo guides me through an amazing Bach Flower Therapy session – a session also filled with deep spiritual connection and conversation.
Later, on Sunday evening, I enjoy one last gratitude-filled opportunity to connect as Eduardo’s beautiful wife serves us treats of yummy homemade muffins. I feel honored to be a special guest in his home.
Before leaving, I perform one final act of love. After giving my little bicycle one final hug, I gratefully present my precious two-wheeled transport to Eduardo as a gift.
“It is old, rusty, and in disrepair,” I tell Eduardo, “but I would love for you to have it.”
“My wife’s bicycle is very old and falling apart.” Eduardo graciously thanks me. “She will be able to make good use out of this.”
It warms my heart deeply to know that my precious little bicycle will continue to live on in spiritual and loving service.
Minutes later, Eduardo drives me back to Jaydee’s home in his old Volkswagen Bug. As we exchange goodbye hugs, inner intuitions peacefully reassure me that this hug is merely an “until next time” hug.
Jaydee In Alaska
I cannot express enough gratitude to my beautiful friend Jaydee who opened space in her home to me for those incredible eight days in Cozumel.
Jaydee and I bonded closely during my early months in Cozumel. Somehow, our spiritual energies latched onto each other, insisting that we become friends, not allowing us to drift away. Even though we only sporadically communicate when not on the island together, our friendship is of the type where the moment we are back in each other’s presence it seems as if we never skipped a beat. I feel deeply honored to have shared space with her during my travels.
Often, during my week in Cozumel, Jaydee and I were off in different directions, running our own errands and doing our own thing – but when we were together we simply talked and talked and talked – talking nonstop – engaging in deep spiritual conversations that warm my heart.
I am delighted when halfway through the week Jaydee becomes obsessed with a passion that is stirring deeply in her own heart. Something inside is passionately leading her into spending the winter somewhere in Alaska – volunteering and having a heart-opening adventure of her own.
I am so tickled to know that, as of this writing, Jaydee is doing just that. As of late September, 2011, she is now experiencing her own joy, following her heart and writing. If you want to check out her blog, it can be found at: http://jdinalaska.tumblr.com/.
Did Someone Say Chocolate?
When I loaded twenty-five heavy pounds of chocolate into my backpack on Friday evening, July 1, 2011, I knew that I would be serving lots of chocolate to friends back home – I cannot explain how, but I just knew it.
But the fears inside of me were also adding lots of qualifiers – things like “I will only do chocolate with close friends – with people that I know and trust, and that know and trust me.” The thought of doing chocolate with unknown strangers was completely out of the question.
The reason for these restrictive rules: FEAR.
Even though I have profound insights, hard-earned wisdom, beautiful growth, and adventurous experiences to share – even with all of the profound guidance that has gently nudged me forward on my journey – fear continues to keep me from reaching out on a larger-scale basis, telling me that I need to work into things, build trust and confidence slowly, blah, blah, blah.
On Sunday morning, July 17, 2011 – the day before flying home to Salt Lake City – I get my first opportunity to face that fear.
Quit Apologizing
“Brenda,” Jaydee interrupts me at one point in our ceremony, “quit telling me what you can’t do. It is limiting my ability to trust and to go deeper into my experience.”
I am so grateful to Jaydee for having the courage to speak up so confidently. Prior to that point in our little one-on-one ceremony, I had made repeated apologies during our session as I talked about what Keith would do if this were a “real” chocolate ceremony. I found myself constantly confessing that I haven’t fully developed my own abilities yet, and that I cannot do the things that Keith would do if he were here, blah, blah, blah.
Jaydee is absolutely right when she tells me that she is having a ceremony with ME, not with Keith.
“I need to simply do what I know how to do.” I reassure myself. “My job here is not to be Keith nor is it to replace Keith … my job is to simply trust, to follow guidance, and to do what comes naturally with my current intuitions and experience.”
Valuable Lessons
Almost immediately, while still filled with inner fears and reservations, I switch to a style of simply holding loving energetic space (radiating my own high vibrational energy) while guiding Jaydee into simple and basic meditation journeys.
To my amazement and astonishment, she does the rest all by herself. I cannot and will not violate her privacy here in my writing, other than to say that she was able to have meditation experiences that instilled a great deal of confidence and trust in us both.
Throughout the ceremony, I am delighted as I joyfully watch the beautiful experiences through which Jaydee passes, in spite of my own seeming inadequacies and insecurities. By the end of my beautiful ceremony with Jaydee, I have learned valuable lessons in trust and self-confidence.
“Keith really is right.” I ponder with amazement. “It is totally about following the client without knowing or caring where something is leading. If I can simply trust my own inner guidance, I can lead someone into their own beautiful experience.”
Emotional/Physical Questions
Monday morning, July 18, 2011, arrives all too quickly, but somehow I have managed to get everything done and to visit with everyone I was hoping to see – well except for Michiko, my dear “A Course In Miracles” friend in Playa Del Carmen. We tried to connect, but it was simply not in the cards.
I am amazed at how emotionally stable I have been throughout this second week in Mexico. It seems as if my emotional/energetic filters are faithfully working to prevent me from empathically inhaling the emotional energies of others.
Only one thing puzzles me, however. Twice this week I have still gotten quite physically sick with outbursts of diarrhea. I want to say that my intestinal issues were triggered by emotional energies – but the fact that my emotions are so beautifully stable tends to invalidate that theory. It seems in fact that ever since arriving in San Cristobal I have been adjusting to new diets and eating habits – a process that is destined to continue for a few weeks to come.
I can only smile, recognize that all is well, and manifest that things will settle themselves soon.
Magic In My Heart
At 6:30 a.m. on Monday morning, Jaydee helps me load my belongings into the back of her little station wagon. Fifteen minutes and a few goodbye hugs later, I am purchasing a ticket for the 7:00 a.m. ferry to Playa Del Carmen. The ferry ride goes quickly, as does my quick transfer to an 8:00 a.m. bus to the airport in Cancun.
Because of how quickly I arrive, I have several hours of free time in the Cancun airport – free time that allows me to begin getting lost in the next big lesson of my travels. It seems that a small bottle of water here costs $3.00 US, and a tiny breakfast at an airport fast food restaurant is over $8.00. However, I quickly decide that this frustrating ego journey is one better saved for another day.
As I sit in the airport, I instead use the opportunity to meditate. Deep gratitude overflows my heart. I feel so amazingly blessed by yet-another chance to visit Cozumel – the place where my journeys were originally inspired back in December 2007 – the place where I began my present journey in June 2009 – the place that subsequently became a launching pad for ever-increasing growth, spiritual connection, and budding self-confidence.
For just over two years, I have been traveling and following my heart. With one amazing synchronous guidance after another, I have visited beautiful adventurous places, and developed fulfilling and rewarding friendships with loving people from all over the world. I have grown from being shy and timid into a woman who is not afraid to follow her heart and to speak her loving truth. I have repeatedly exposed and faced inner demons while engaging in a courageous journey to truly know myself.
And in the midst of it all, my own inner magic has begun to shine. I cannot wait to take the next few steps – steps that will find me strolling down a narrow sloped ramp leading onto an airplane – steps that will take me homeward bound to reconnect with family and friends, and perhaps to make many new friends.
I cannot explain how I know it, but my heart whispers that for me this journey home will be magical. It is now time – time to give that budding magic in my heart an opportunity to shine.
Copyright © 2011 by Brenda Larsen, All Rights Reserved