Today’s chocolate ceremony is anything but normal. Sundays always seem to bring in more people, but today there are sixteen of us – the largest group I have ever seen on Keith’s magical porch.
But my confusion doesn’t stem from the large numbers – it arises from the feeling of a very different energy – a feeling that many of those who have gathered today have brought huge inner walls along with them – walls being carefully guarded. No one seems to want to open a tiny crack in their wall – to expose their hearts to a group of people that does not yet feel totally safe.
My lesson is in judgment. I experience a sense of surprised shock as I begin to observe the very subtle judgmental energy that seems to be flowing through me – an energy that is projected primarily onto Keith.
“Why isn’t Keith doing more to draw out their emotions?” I ask myself with confusion. “Why is Keith allowing the group to remain so stuck – so chaotic – so unproductive? Shouldn’t he be doing something more proactive?”
It will be several more days before I begin to fully understand.
Shifting Perceptions
To my delight, Monday’s afternoon gathering brings together a smaller group of women who are fully prepared to do some deep work. The afternoon is profoundly fulfilling as emotions are released and dense energies are transmuted while hearts return to a balanced and energized space. I am overjoyed that none of my own emotional issues bubble to the surface. The afternoon provides many powerful opportunities that allow me to further explore my own healing intuitions.
The only thing that puzzles me is that for the second day in a row, our usual five hour gathering seems to abruptly end at around 4:00 p.m..
I have to admit that the work feels clearly complete, and that my intuitions themselves strongly confirm that everything that needs to happen today has already taken place. Yet a confused part of me again struggles with the beginning seeds of judgment.
“We have lots of additional time … why isn’t Keith encouraging more work to take place … why isn’t he nudging people to go even deeper?” I begin to question.
Another thought enters my mind – a thought grumbling that Keith is distracted by the presence of his beautiful friends Ambe and Moses – friends who arrived from Costa Rica on late Sunday afternoon. I love both of these beautiful people – I love the incredible contributions that they have brought to today’s gathering – yet a buried part of me is acutely aware that things are going to be quite different during this coming month.
“Am I ready for the changing energies?” I ask myself with deep introspection. “Am I prepared to shift my perceptions and to lovingly flow with a changing Universe? Am I prepared to allow my world to completely shift without projecting judgments and attachments?”
Changing of the Roommates
A slight sadness greets me at the door as I return to a newly emptied apartment on Monday evening. Jody has found a great place to housesit while she continues her own spiritual Quest. I am excited for my next houseguest to arrive, but I will miss Jody’s beautiful energy in my spare bedroom.
Even though she only lived with me for a week, I have learned so much. With Jody’s loving support I was able to practice a new level of energetic balance – remaining loving and caring while simultaneously attending to my own needs without attachment or guilt – remaining true to the passions of my own soul while sharing a loving and relaxed living space with another.
As I spend Monday night quietly reflecting – basking in gratitude for the amazing growth lessons that continue to flow in my direction – I am also eagerly anticipating the arrival of another dear friend.
It was just thirteen months ago when I first met Conny. I was in Valladolid, still cowering with fear as I contemplated several confusing healing options for a frightening and painful wound on my foot – a third degree burn that shifted my destiny. One evening at my hostel, this beautiful and friendly German woman made a kind and loving comment – a gesture of emotional support at a fearful time when I needed it most.
I soon discovered that Conny had followed strong internal feelings that caused her to cancel a planned month-long trip to Southeast Asia, nudging her to instead change her already purchased plane ticket to a new destination – the Yucatan.
As our friendship developed during the month of December, 2009, Conny and I also deeply inspired each other in our own respective spiritual paths. But the synchronicity for which I am most grateful is that it was stories of Conny’s own travel experiences that gave me the courage to travel into Central America by myself – it was Conny who casually mentioned to me about a beautiful place called Lake Atitlan, quickly adding that there was a very spiritually-oriented town called San Marcos with a meditation center called “Las Piramides del Ka”.
And then of course it was Conny who, on Christmas Day, lovingly handed me a little gift – a Central America tour book – the same sentimental guidebook that Conny had used in her own extensive travels. Inside was a handwritten message: “Dear Brenda, It is old, and it is used, but it wants to travel back to Central America with you – to all the beautiful, amazing, and friendly places you will visit one day…”
Were it not for Conny’s loving encouragement, and her precious guidebook, I would most likely not be here in San Marcos today, enjoying an amazing rollercoaster ride of deep emotional and spiritual growth.
I half expect my dear friend to walk in the door any moment, but due to a long day of travel, our giggly reunion must wait until late Tuesday morning.
New Possibilities
Tuesday brings even more change – more magic – more possibilities to consider.
Conny’s first visit is short – a joyful reunion and a quick visit to meet Keith. She has errands to run, is temporarily lodging in Santa Cruz, and has not brought her backpack along with her.
I am filled with eager butterflies as Conny schedules a private appointment with Keith for Wednesday morning. I am even more animated when Conny asks if I will join her. I cannot wait until Wednesday morning – a morning in which Conny will move in for a few days – a morning in which I will have the opportunity to introduce my friend to the wonders of Keith’s magical porch.
To say that I am emotionally attached to my desire for Conny to have a wonderful experience with Keith would be an understatement. I seem to conveniently forget that attachments seem to have a way of guiding me toward new growth.
Tuesday evening, after a very informal afternoon of combining cacao with singing crystal bowls, I am privileged to share a social visit, eating yummy pizza with Keith’s friends Ambe and Moses.
New possibilities begin to tantalize my imagination as I discover that Ambe is highly connected to many Peruvian Shamans – that she recently spent considerable time traveling around Peru participating in numerous spiritual ceremonies with these Incan spiritual leaders – and that she is feeling drawn back to Peru again, possibly even this summer.
I momentarily connect energetically to my dear friend Pyper – a beautiful friend who is right now in the middle of following her own passion – moving her family into the wilds of Alaska where she will continue developing her career as a mental health counselor in a small village accessible only via boat or plane. Pyper herself is deeply interested in Peruvian Shamanism, having extensively studied and practiced the spiritual traditions.
I have long felt an energetic pull tugging me toward Peru. Something deep inside longs to visit places such as Machu Picchu, Cuzco, Lake Titicaca, Iquitos, the Amazon, etc… In fact, Pyper and I had extensively discussed the possibilities of going together in June of 2010 – but both of us felt deeply pulled in other directions, with my strong intuitions guiding me to participate in the Sun Course.
But just two weeks ago, on the morning of New Year’s Day, Pyper sent me a quick message – a message that continues to leave me guessing with butterflies of anticipation.
“Brenda, I’m in packing frenzy!! Can’t talk, but wanted to let you know something’s brewing, so we could both wrap our heads around it – dreamed I was visiting you … six to nine months from now … won’t that be wonderful?”
A feeling of deep synchronous wonder begins to swell in my heart as I contemplate these two completely separate events in my life.
“Could it be that I might be going to Peru?” I speculate.
On the outside, it certainly looks like a support system is building around me, creating the definite possibility of such a trip. On the inside, however, I am fully aware that my own inner intuitions have yet to kick in.
My heart peacefully reassures me that now is not the time to concern myself with the future. For now I will remain in the present moment. Peru will either happen, or it will not. I am here now, and that is all that matters. Even so, I cannot help but feel like a child who is pondering the possibility of a trip to Disneyland.
Spiritual Ego
As I continue a deep conversation with Ambe and Moses, many of the words floating my way trigger unexpected thoughts and emotions. Some of the things that Moses shares regarding his own path cause me to feel quite confused regarding my own motivations – my motivations for traveling – my motivations for seeking spiritual enlightenment – my motivations for writing so publicly about my deepest inner struggles and triumphs.
As my head hits the pillow on a beautiful Tuesday evening, I cannot help but feel a little confused as I genuinely question myself. My heart is pure and innocently seeking – yet I begin to doubt – to wonder if a subtle version of spiritual Ego might be accompanying me in the shadows.
Confidence Crash
A mild headache demands my attention on Wednesday morning. Having not slept all that well, my first tendency is to feel slightly victimized by my body’s weakness – but a tiny twinge of intuition tells me that the physical exhaustion has been divinely orchestrated – that my tiredness is all a part of today’s process.
At 9:15 a.m., I am delighted to see Conny cresting the top of my stairs still wearing her backpack. We quickly stow her belongings in the spare room before eagerly engaging in a ten minute walk to the eastern edge of town.
Minutes after Keith instructs Conny to close her eyes, internal frustration begins to boil in my soul.
“Keith is just letting her sit there in meditation.” I begin to silently judge. “I want Conny to have a wonderful experience. Why isn’t he doing something to guide her? Why doesn’t he talk to her, coach her, or ask her any questions about her journey?”
That first hour of silent meditation is brutal for me. Rather than assisting Conny by holding a powerful energetic space, I find myself thinking one judgmental thought after another. These judgments blind me, causing me to lose confidence in Keith – causing me to disconnect from my own intuitive sources. About the only thing I feel is “Why isn’t Keith helping my friend?”
Later, after Conny eventually opens her eyes and describes her amazing meditative experiences, I am deeply humbled and extremely grateful as I learn that Keith’s approach was indeed powerful for Conny.
But I am also silently scolding myself up for becoming lost in my attachments – so lost in fact that I temporarily forgot that Keith never leads a group using his own energy. Instead, he always follows the energy, allowing higher energies to lead the group through him.
“Obviously,” I remind myself, “Keith felt guided today that Conny was having an amazing journey on her own – he intuitively knew that his job was simply to stay out of the way.”
“I have had many amazing experiences with Keith that involved no talking at all.” I continue pondering, “Why was I so disconnected today … and also on Sunday and Monday? Why was I so lacking in trust? It was me who was disconnected and out of tune with the energies.”
Several times during the session with Conny, Keith asks me to share my intuitive insights regarding what she might be feeling. I attempt to give meaningful, inspired answers, but continue to feel lost in the muck – stuck in the quicksand of what is my own self judgment. Conny later confirms that my insights were indeed accurate, but I simply believe myself to be a failure and a fraud.
As I ponder my building judgments – judgments that began on Sunday, I recognize just how disconnected I have become. Rather than remembering to trust in the higher energies, I have indeed become stuck in a subtle form of Spiritual Ego, judging people I love from a very disconnected viewpoint.
Voices from the Past
The morning session is powerful for Conny, but leaves her so overwhelmed with things to ponder and to integrate that she does not feel capable of remaining for the afternoon public chocolate ceremony.
But remain I must – my heart is heavy, emotions are begging to be recognized, released, and healed.
The afternoon session begins slowly, but it does not take long for the tears to begin bubbling in my eyes.
I am stuck and confused – judging myself – still not really sure as to what exactly I am feeling. One thing is clear, however. I feel like a failure and a fraud. I feel stupid, alone, and disconnected from source.
It takes me nearly an hour of stifled whimpering before the intuitions begin to flow – before the healing begins to progress into a stage of intuitive awareness. Suddenly, everything becomes clear – as if someone turned on a light in my soul.
The painful judgmental thoughts that are literally parading themselves through my mind are an expansive collection of all of my past negative self talk. While sitting on Keith’s porch, my mind is bombarded with a continuous stream of self defeating, self-belittling negative voices – voices that remind me of a lifetime of insecurities and perceived social failures.
Somehow, I remain the observer.
Each emotion attempts to kick me in the gut – stabbing me in the heart – mustering a valiant effort to strangle the life-force within. I allow the tears to flow, permitting the gut-wrenching emotional pain to surface – but I refuse to validate the trauma-drama of it all.
Remaining the observer proves challenging. Yes, I know the truth of my divinity – but the lies are so convincing, so overpowering.
As I continue to process this seeming-endless chain of emotional poison, Keith asks Holly to come over to join me – to assist me in my release process. To my amazement, as Holly connects to my energy, I sense that my process greatly accelerates. Within about ten minutes the lies have magically evaporated into nothingness, the emotional pain has vanished, and my heart glows with love and power.
In the midst of my own process, I have been acutely aware of another friend who is engaged in deep, profoundly intense, emotional release. But I also knew that I could do nothing to help while in the midst of my own process. As I complete my own emotional healing for the day, a flood of powerful confidence consumes my soul, telling me that I am indeed a healer, and that now is the time to honor that inner knowing.
Without even looking to Keith for guidance, I go straight to the side of my friend. I feel no doubts, no sense of hesitation, and have no need for validation of any sort. My hands flash straight to my friend’s heart chakra, one hand on his chest, the other on his back. I intuitively synchronize my breathing patterns with those of my friend, breathing out loudly through my mouth whenever he breathes out. At first, the breaths are rapid and erratic as he struggles to bring his emotional release to a peaceful conclusion. The emotional vomiting is complete and his tears are drying – yet my friend’s body continues to struggle in an effort to calm, to return to a quiet rhythm.
For nearly ten minutes I focus my love and energy into one purpose – being vigilant of the fact that I am bringing the energy in from above, not using my own limited supply of divine life force. Soon this beautiful man regains his composure. His energy feels lighter and his face has a new glow of hope and release.
Gratitude fills my heart for the opportunity to have played a small role at the tail-end of this beautiful man’s amazing healing process. Joy overwhelms me as I recognize that my participation had been 100% intuitive, with the rational mind completely disengaged.
I giggle as I silently ponder the huge healing shift that has taken place in my own soul in such a short period of time. Just thirty minutes ago I was struggling to remain the observer in the face of overwhelming negative voices from the past. Now I am empowered and floating in the white fluffy clouds of divine connectedness.
Round Two
Emotional exhaustion sits on my doorstep, patiently waiting for the opportunity to slip through the first crack in my armor.
Wednesday evening and Thursday morning have been filled to the brim with beautiful and deep spiritual conversations – both with Conny and others. I am acutely aware that I am on the edge of repeating old patterns – of pushing myself beyond my physical energy boundaries – of entering an old loop where I will be temporarily consumed by the exhaustion that awaits my first sign of weakness.
But the mere awareness of this process seems to make me safe. Rather than draining all of my energy I continually refuel, remaining connected to the higher sources that sustain my flow.
Thursday afternoon, as I return to Keith’s porch for the fifth straight day in a row, I am keenly aware that I am sitting of the edge of yet-another emotional release. But I am also determined that today I can give myself permission to be strong – to simply be there for others. There is no more need for those humbling tears to flow again today.
Behind the Curtain
The first thing Keith asks is for me to check in – to share where I am at. Wednesday afternoon’s roller coaster ride had been emotionally intense and Keith knew it. I begin to suspect that Keith is fishing, intuitively knowing that another little fish is lurking in my emotional pond.
“Close your eyes and take a walk up into your control room.” Keith unexpectedly guides me into a quiet meditation. My bullshit meter has been detected, and Keith is not going to let me slip through the cracks today.
Within a few minutes an impromptu image pops into my mind as if out of nowhere. I find myself visualizing a very familiar scene from one of my favorite childhood movies – The Wizard of Oz.
The scene that powerfully pops into my mind is one where Dorothy and her companions finally stand in the wizard’s chamber, asking for their wishes to be granted. In the middle of the wizard’s frightening show of bursting flames and thundering angry voices, Dorothy’s little dog Toto barks and runs over to a small curtain at the side of the room. Seconds later, Toto has pulled the curtain to the side, revealing that the great and powerful wizard is nothing but a small and harmless man from Kansas.
Intuitively I recognize that the Ego has just been revealed to me – the curtain has been suddenly pulled back, revealing the harmless source of all of my past negative voices – the voices that paraded through my awareness just yesterday – the voices that terrorized me, that debilitated me, that held me in such a dysfunctional state through so much of my life.
Yes, it turns out that the Ego is nothing to be afraid of. It is all smoke and mirrors – a silly fabrication having no real power or substance.
At first I grin and laugh at this powerful realization. Then I begin to imagine myself wearing a pair of magical ruby slippers.
“There’s no place like home … there’s no place like home.” I begin to silently repeat to myself while visualizing my heels tapping together.
As I do so, I again experience fear. The fear laughs at me, ridiculing me, telling me that I am not ready yet, that I will never find my way home, that I am forever stuck in the illusory world of Oz.
Tears begin to stream down my cheeks as I stare at those fears – as I contemplate how I have been victimized all these years by a harmless old man from Kansas – a powerless wizard representing an Ego that has held me mesmerized by flashy and convincing talk.
The feeling of emptiness strengthens – “How could I have bought into such lies?” I ask myself. “Why did I have to waste so many years walking on that silly Yellow Brick Road only to discover that I have been deceived by Ego? But even worse yet, why am I still afraid to tap my heels together?”
Intuitively, I already know that my journey on the Yellow Brick Road has been perfect, having been extremely valuable. I would never trade it for anything. But nonetheless, I am feeing quite victimized.
After about an hour of me wallowing in my empty state of misery, Keith walks over with a smile on his face, plops a pillow down on the ground in front of me, and plants his smiling face right in front of my sad one. I have not yet mentioned one word to him about my ongoing visualizations.
“Brenda,” Keith laughs, “I think it is time for you to connect with your higher energies. You need to ask them to bring in an express pity party, right here, right now.”
As I contemplate Keith’s words I begin to take him literally, but as I try to enter a deeper state of pity I suddenly burst out laughing. Seconds later I am back to almost crying – then laughing again – and then crying again. Suddenly the dam bursts, and the bottled up emotions all rush forth.
“Haven’t I already cried enough on this porch?” I tearfully ask Keith between the sobs that heave forth from my mouth.
I already know that what I am doing is powerful – that it is the only way to free and to release this next layer of buried emotions that continue to block my path – but I am tired of being so emotional, of crying so much in public – fearful that I may be stuck in an endless loop of emotional release.
Keith again reassures me that this is not the case – that he too needed to shed layer after layer of tears in order to clean out his own emotional densities. His kind reassurance gives me the added courage to allow my process to continue – to allow myself to once again be the center of the healing focus of others.
As the tears conclude, I vacillate between a feeling of numbness and joy. In an effort to stabilize myself, an intuition tells me to use Reiki to build an energy ball around my upper body. Ten minutes later, I do indeed have a powerful energy force surrounding my head and heart – so powerful that I joke with Keith that I will have to spend the night on his porch because I don’t want to leave – I don’t want to lose this amazing energy.
When I do finally step from Keith’s powerful patio, I take the energy with me. I am bubbly and alive, deeply humbled and grateful for such a profound day of healing.
The Wizard of Oz will never again be the same.
Clenched Toes and Shuffled Steps
“Brenda, you are still walking funny.” Conny tells me abruptly (but lovingly) as we walk out toward Keith’s porch for her second private session of the week. “It feels like you are tightly clenching your toes with every step you take.”
Conny’s words no longer sting my heart – I worked through that emotion yesterday when she had first pointed out the same fact. I know that she would never say anything to hurt me, and that her words are intended with love.
“But WHY do the words hurt so much?” I ask myself with shock. “Why am I so sensitive to their impact in my soul?”
Somewhere at around age twelve or thirteen, in the midst of my deepening gender struggles, I had begun to walk with pigeon toes – a style of walking where the toes on each of my feet would point inward at a thirty-degree angle with each forward step.
Such awkward walking became a source of deep shame throughout a period of profound emotional vulnerability. With so much buried pain to protect, my pigeon-toed feet seemed to be an externally visible exclamation point that screamed “You are a loser! … You are an evil freak! … And you walk like one too!”
Throughout my teenage years I struggled with my confusing gait. No matter how hard I tried to correct the manner in which I walked, I seemed to be utterly incapable of doing so. It was not until around age eighteen or nineteen when I finally mastered the art of walking with toes pointing forward.
Since that long-ago time, no one has ever said one single word about the way I walk – not one verbal hint. For over five years I have been painfully aware that my foot muscles always seem to be tightly cramped and hard, but I had no idea that my walking style was different than anyone else’s.
“Could it be that Conny is right?” I ask myself, “And even more importantly, is it possible that my toe clenching and rapid shuffled stepping is directly related to the emotional trauma of those teenage years?”
Conny’s Friday morning private session is beautiful and amazing. As her time with Keith wraps up, we have just enough time to grab lunch together before I return to Keith’s porch to do my own work. This will be my second day this week involving all-day intuitive/emotional processing.
“Brenda,” Conny lovingly requests during lunch, “please promise me that you will ask Keith about your feet. It would really help me to know if my intuitions are accurate or not.”
As I prepare to respond to Conny, a flash of intuition passes through my own awareness. I do not know when, where, or how – but I suddenly know that Conny and I have an other-dimensional agreement regarding the way I walk. It seems impossible, but I just know it to be true. In that other-worldly agreement, Conny agreed to share her intuition with me in a way that would help to facilitate another level of growth and healing in me. I agreed to validate her intuition in a way that would provide her with valuable first-hand feedback – feedback that will help her to recognize and to trust her own developing long-suppressed magical abilities.
Shortly after returning to Keith’s porch, I ask the question, “Do you think that the way I clench my toes when I walk could be related to an emotional issue on which I need to work?”
“Yes, Brenda,” Keith replies after meditating briefly, “I feel very strongly that there is something there that you need to look at.”
“What are you guys talking about?” Moses asks Keith.
“The way that Brenda shuffles her feet when she walks.” Keith responds casually, making me believe that I must be the only one who has not been aware of my tense walking style.
Emotional Collapse
Early during the session, the focus shifts to another woman, one of my friends. As Keith guides her through a meditative visualization, it becomes obvious that the woman’s present healing issue involves blocked or disconnected energy channels in her legs and lower chakras.
In an unexpected twist, Keith feels strongly guided that the woman’s work would be better facilitated by her laying flat on her back, supported by pillows – with Ambe sitting at her head, Moses at her feet, Keith sitting by her right side, and me holding space at her left.
Keith’s coaching is beautiful as he encourages the woman to visualize her Higher Self bringing in additional energy to help her reconnect with and to reenergize parts of herself that have been long disconnected.
As I sit cross-legged by the woman’s side, I feel intuitively guided to energetically connect with her third chakra – placing my hands above her solar plexus and allowing a little Reiki energy to flow through me.
Keith continues to coach my friend through her energy visualization while I simultaneously begin to get lost in my own.
I attempt to remain totally present, assisting my friend by holding a beautiful energetic space – but I soon recognize great emotional tides beginning to shift inside of me. My own third chakra is bubbling with sadness, with confusion, with fear, with hopelessness.
I fight my feelings and again focus on what I am doing to assist my friend – but my own emotions gradually overwhelm me. The more I connect with this woman’s energy, the more my own buried pain seems to surface. I am no longer capable of providing energetic assistance to anyone. My head has collapsed toward my knees as tears quietly stream down my cheeks.
I feel guilty, attempting to muffle my tears. I don’t want to interrupt my friend’s beautiful work – I don’t want to be an energy suck by pulling the attention back to me.
“Brenda,” Keith interrupts quietly and confidently, “I am being guided to tell you that what you are doing is real and very important – that you are not being dramatic or taking energy from another – and that this is the next powerful layer of your own work that you need to allow to surface. Do not fight this. Allow yourself to go through this process.”
Connecting the Dots
Almost immediately I feel Ambe’s warm motherly arms cuddling me from behind as I begin to allow my tears to flow more freely. Keith asks me to lay back into Ambe’s arms – to allow myself to be held and assisted. I simply melt into the warm love that surrounds me.
In a moment between tears, I ask Keith a question.
“Could this be related to my clenched feet and the way I walk?” I ask innocently, somehow knowing that the pain I am feeling goes back to the period when I struggled with walking pigeon toed as a teenager.
Rather than giving me the answer, Keith asks for me to find it within myself.
“Yes,” I reply instinctively. I am then quite surprised as words of explanation seem to flow easily through my mouth.
“These emotions are all about the shutting down my own femininity – my own sexual struggles as a teenager. It was at that same period in my life when I began to subconsciously clench my feet. It was a powerful metaphor – a metaphor in which I was shutting down my energetic connection to Mother Earth – to my feminine side – desperately trying to prevent those feminine energies from overwhelming me.”
“Yes,” I continued intuitively, “when I began to walk pigeon toed it was because my body was attempting to suppress my feminine energy connections.”
I then remembered something that Nadia told me one day during our reflexology course, “Brenda,” she spoke with a deeply concerned look, “I do not feel any energy flowing through your feet … you need to ground yourself … to connect yourself to Mother Earth.”
Powerful Release
Keith asks me to return emotionally to the forgotten time long ago when I shut down the energy flow in my feet. As I do so, my tears return big time. In a continuous flow of what I can only describe as energetic waves, I ebb and flow with powerful emotional release. I vividly remember the horrifyingly painful emotions of a young teenage boy, desperately trying to suppress unexplainable feminine feelings and desires – the shame, the guilt, the self-hatred, the futility, the loneliness, the helplessness, and the hopelessness. The emotions run much deeper than I had remembered.
For most of the next hour, I lay back into Ambe’s arms, cycling between sobs and whimpers. To keep Ambe from being tired, Keith asks Moses to sit behind her – to use his own masculine energy to support her so that she can have the strength to support me.
In the meantime, my friend Jody takes a position at my feet, beginning to massage them with love. Gradually, I feel the energy sensations begin to tingle throughout my feet.
“I’m even feeling an itching-like energy on my burn-scar.” I tell Keith with delight.
“Brenda, that is just a little fly that was biting you.” Keith smiles, “I just killed it for you.”
“That fly was just helping to open up my energy sensations.” I reply with a giggle.
My painful emotions are gone. This wild, powerful, and painful emotional layer has been successfully released. My heart is glowing. My feet are glowing. My entire body is glowing with love and vibrating with peace.
A Magical Walk
I am back in a chair, exploring the afternoon’s events with Keith and the others, filled with deep joy and gratitude.
The woman whose work I interrupted reassures me that what I did greatly assisted her in her own processing – thanking me for having the courage to further assist her in her own work.
“Brenda,” Keith unexpectedly pulls another rabbit out of his hat, “I am being guided to tell you that you need to go for a short walk … perhaps just out here on the street, and then down to the lake and back.”
As I walk down the hundred yards of curved road, my flip flops are soon in my hands as I allow my energy-filled feet to connect with the smooth road below. Everything around me glows with a new beauty. The volcanoes across the lake seem to radiate joy and love. The trees along the road are more colorful. The deep-blue lake begs my feet to move closer while joyful tears begin to fill the corners of my eyes.
Soon I am standing in the warm water of Lake Atitlan, staring out at the white-capped waves, feeling the warm breeze on my face, experiencing the powerful energy of my surroundings.
The Symphony of Life
As I prepare to walk home, Keith fills my heart with butterflies as he points out the amazing synchronous symphony of events that have gradually led up to my experiences today. I feel a deep sense of wonder as I ponder the fact that the entire world around me seems to be collaborating and contributing to my growth and healing – it all seems to suggest that I really am the center of my own universe – that I really am the creator of my reality, and that everything in my reality is designed to bring me exactly what I need, exactly when I need it.
In a powerful burst of inner knowing, I again realize that there is nothing I need to do other than to be present – to allow, to surrender, to be present with the symphony being conducted by my own Higher Self.
I feel mesmerized, almost dizzy, as I ponder my gradual process of letting go, of allowing my heart to take over while the little old wizard from Kansas continues to lose his power and influence.
“Brenda,” Keith pulls me aside and whispers in my ear.” I just want you to know that I am so proud of you. You are not simply repeating the same old loops over and over. You are continuously opening up new layers of emotional densities, facing them and healing them with courage. Your progress is amazing.”
When my feet again hit the pavement, I feel as if I am literally floating between two dimensions – not fully grounded in either. Jody asks if she can walk with me, but she repeatedly needs to slow down and wait, as I am in no hurry whatsoever, taking every step forward with deliberate joy and gratitude.
I know that life will never be the same – that it can only get better from here – and that I need not worry about a thing.
I love life – I adore the beautiful symphony playing all around me, supporting me, nourishing me, and guiding me through each loving step of my journey.
Copyright © 2011 by Brenda Larsen, All Rights Reserved