A Time Of Re-Birth

May 13th, 2017

I am so excited that it is my “re-Birthday” today … and I find it very hard to believe that the present-day incarnation of my multi-faceted life has actually just turned twenty years old. Yippee!!! I am no longer a teenager. My adolescent years have been intense, filled with gut-wrenching inner growth, as well as unbelievable adventures of magical self-discovery.

(For anyone who has no clue what I am talking about, message me if you are interested, and I will fill you in with the details.)

I have been physically residing back in the US for a year and a half now, and the integration journey has been quite the unexpected roller coaster ride. The process has frequently been intense, and even overwhelming. I feel as if I am walking a thin tightrope, constantly trying to reintegrate living in this western world while simultaneously nurturing and expanding the new butterfly-me that has begun to spread her wings after seven-years of breaking out of one culturally-conditioned cocoon after another.

I spent the first eight months of that time simply hiking the expansive trails around Sedona Arizona, often exploring more than twenty miles each week. It was a wonderful time of doing things that most of the world would not even define as productive. During those months of exploring the energy-filled red-rock wonders, I found my inner-wonder again; constantly centering myself, frequently playing my drum and flute, and always continuing the integrative processing of my emotional healing.

I have never announced this publicly, but in September of 2016, I moved to Windsor, California, (an hour north of San Francisco) renting a room from a dear friend, continuing to experiment with how to re-balance and integrate myself while beginning to take baby steps back into being more social.

This won’t make sense to many, but after eight years of doing incredibly deep healing work, I have grown so sensitive to the often-chaotic emotional energies of others around me, that participating in group activities has been quite the turbulent eye-opening experience. I have frequently found myself retreating to the safety of my personal cave (my room) to lick my wounds, to nurture myself, to release more deeply held trauma, and to center and rebalance for the umpteenth time.

Today, as I celebrate the twentieth anniversary of my re-birth, I find myself in a very heart-balanced state, enjoying the magic of the day, looking forward to maybe resuming my writing in the near future. (But there are no guarantees, because the last ten days have been quite the wild roller coaster ride again.)

Tomorrow, I reconnect (in a workshop) with someone I have never met — an author named Tama Kieves. It was almost exactly ten years ago that I synchronously stumbled across her then-new book titled “This Time I Dance”. It is an incredible and inspiring book that magically stirred up another awakening process within my heart, giving me courage to begin the emotional preparations of leaving what was then a twenty-nine year career as a highly-skilled Software Engineer.

What is even more synchronistic and fascinating is that this morning, while perusing birthdays on Facebook, I discovered that today, May 13, 2017 (my 20th re-birthday), is the actual physical birthday of a young woman from India that I personally trained to replace me at Novell when I was laid off from my job just under ten years ago.

I am “in awe” … or perhaps “awed” … or maybe even “odd” … as I ponder the magical re-birth synchronicities that are all lining up today, reminding me of all of the magic that has guided me to be who I am today.

Perhaps all of these magical metaphors of re-birth are nudging me ever-so-gently into also engaging in the re-birth of my writing. The time feels very near. As I type these words, inner giggles are dancing around at the very thought.

Sending huge loving hugs to all of my friends and family who have participated with me in this life-transforming journey – either holding my hand through tough times, or inspiring me to focus on the magic within. Whether our hearts have been joined for decades, or simply connected for a brief moment in time … I love you all, and am so grateful for the parts of the journey that we share.

May we all continue to be re-born on a very frequent basis.

Copyright © 2017 by Brenda Larsen, All Rights Reserved

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